The Way We Are
by between the waves
Summary: Rebuilding a friendship and hoping for more. How season 7 really should've gone. Chapter 9.
1. Live From The Guadalcanal

**The Way We Are **

Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me, but rather to DPB, CBS and Paramount, I'm just borrowing the characters since I couldn't shake any sense into their owners.

Spoilers: Adrift 1 & 2, Measure of Men, eventually some of the Events from Guilt but the first part is after Measure of Men.

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so you should know a few things, (1) I need some help! Reviews, critiques, and betas would be appreciated. (2) I might tweak a few things from Season 7 to fit the story, so. don't freak out, ok? (3) If you see something wrong, don't hesitate to let me know about it. (4) To see exactly where we are with this story, the first part starts right after Measure of Men. And by the way, if I don't get everything right, don't kill me, just let me know, I don't know a killing amount about the military.

1345 ZULU

USS Guadalcanal

Indian Ocean

Mac walked down a dimly lit corridor of the ship quickly, tears pooling behind the stubborn Marine facade that everyone thought they knew so well. In truth only a few people really knew the woman behind the shell, and perhaps that was where the problem was. Right now, despite all her strength she would've loved to talk to someone. Specifically one equally stubborn Navy commander who had been the object of her thoughts more than once, even when they weren't talking they were connected, she had proven that much just a few weeks earlier when he had punched out of a Tomcat in a storm, a storm that he shouldn't even have been flying in, all to make it back to her wedding- a wedding that would never occur now. Surprisingly though, not talking to her almost-husband didn't bother her nearly as much as not talking to Harm. Closing the hatch to her stateroom with a drawn out sigh, she moved on autopilot to the single bed inside, sinking into it without paying any attention to her now rumpled uniform.

_'Just another in a long line of mistakes'_ she thought resignedly. Shortly after she had arrived on the ship to take the place of the JAG, HE had shown up, and it had obviously thrown her, even Gunny noticed that, though he mostly kept his comments to himself.

In the privacy of her cabin, she was left alone with her thoughts, tears streaming silently down her face for all the missed opportunities. He had tried to talk to her, wanted to work things out, to try for a _them_ after all this time. And searching back in her memories she tried to figure out where they had gone wrong. Heck, there had never even been a 'them,' whenever one was ready the other wasn't, and yet despite all their past failures when she allowed her mind to take her down the road of the future, he was the only one she saw it with. And yet when he had tried to talk to her, she'd put him on the spot, asking what he'd be willing to give up for her, throwing the fact that Mic had given up career and country for her, knowing fully that her botched engagement was a sore spot for him.

_'But he rejected me when we were in Australia'_ said one part of her mind, trying to justify the way she had stonewalled him every time he tried to make things better. _'No he didn't, he just said not yet, you know him better than anyone else, you should know he'd have a hard time letting go. Instead of being the friend he always tried to be for you, you just dropped him, and then rubbed the whole engagement in his face as much as you could' _was what her heart told her. _'But he went back to flying!'_, _'But he also came back, and did you ever stop to think that maybe that was part of letting go? No, instead when he did come back, you backed him into a corner with a difficult decision, he only just got back before that and then you were ready to jump headlong into everything else, did you ever stop to think that maybe he just wasn't ready yet?' _

This constant battling in her mind was about to drive her crazy, and she tossed a few times before slamming a pillow down hard onto her head. "Ouch." came her muffled response to the action, which had sent a rather hard pillow into her face. "Uggg." Even thousands of miles away, the flyboy was still constantly on her mind and some days she didn't know whether to be annoyed or happy. As if she couldn't feel any worse, the memory of when Harm had left the ship came flying back, he had looked behind him so many times, and she had known he was looking for her.Just after the helo had taken off, she'd seen inside, seen the lost look he wore, even from that distance.

Realizing that she wasn't going to get any sleep soon, she rolled out of bed and retrieved her laptop, planning to work on the cases she had taken over as acting JAG on the ship until a new one was found. When she realized she wouldn't get any work done either, she found herself online, looking at her online album. The familiar faces brought a smile to her face, until one popped up, thebright smile and piercing eyes making her face drop a bit. He hadn't deserved the treatment she'd given him when he came onboard, he'd wanted to do the very thing she'd been trying to get him to do for so long, and yet she had blocked him every way she knew how.

Mac was so lost in thought that she would've missed the popup that now appeared on her screen, were it not for the overly happy tune that chimed out, signaling she had an instant message in the JAG chatroom. Hoping it was him, and at the same time not, she opened the box. to find Harriet's email address shown.

NAVYMOM writes: Morning Ma'am

Chewing on her lower lip for a second, she debated whether or not to reply, before she decided why not? Harriet already knew she was on, she'd just ask more questions if she didn't andwer. With a rueful smile, she noticed Harriet's proper address of her.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet, we're IMing, and I was your Maid of Honor, I think you can call me Mac!

Realizing what she had wrote, Mac fell quiet for a bit, why'd she have to come back to weddings?

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma'am.. uh, Mac. So... how are you?

Mac knew Harriet was trying to broach the subject of her canceled wedding carefully, and when she didn't reply right away, Harriet wrote again.

NAVYMOM writes:You **do** know that if you want to talk I'm here, right?

Mac sighed, it was nice to know that, and maybe she'd feel better talking to Harriet, she couldn't very well talk to Harm anyway.

GREENMARINE writes:I'm.. okay. It's odd adjusting to the idea, but for some reason... I don't know, I don't feel too broken up about it.. Did I just say that?

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma..c, you did. Do you want to tell me what's going on?

GREENMARINE writes:I wish I knew Harriet. When Mic said he was leaving he said I just didn't want to be alone... maybe he was right?

NAVYMOM writes:Did you love him?

GREENMARINE writes:I was going to marry him Harriet!

NAVYMOM writes:Mac, you didn't answer the question.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet exactly how much time have you been spending around lawyers?

NAVYMOM writes:Enough... and you still haven't answered me, Did you love him?

GREENMARINE writes:... yes, I mean, I think so.. hmm, is it too late to plead the Fifth?

NAVYMOM writes:Mac, you trust me right? So talk to me, besides I don't think the Commander's here right now.

GREENMARINE writes:... sigh ... I guess I need to be careful what I wish for Harriet.. I was wishing I could talk to _someone_.

NAVYMOM writes:Would that _'someone' _be Commander Rabb?

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet.

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma'am.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet!

NAVYMOM writes:Fine, yes MAC!

GREENMARINE writes:Why do I bother?

NAVYMOM writes:Because the Commander's not here.

GREENMARINE writes:Do we have to go there _again_ And Harm was Bud's best man, he _does_ have a name you know.

NAVYMOM writes:Yes, I think we do, now are you going to spill or do I have to interrogate? And let me remind you that I don't buy that 'just friends' excuse you and _Harm_ constantly babble about.

GREENMARINE writes:Down Harriet:) ... Fine, I'll talk. It started back before Harm left for flying...

And Mac proceeded to spill out the entire story, about how she thought he was leaving her despite his protests, the fact that she was hurt by it and when he came back rubbed Brumby in his nose, then the events of Australia in candid detail, even the parts she thought she'd never tell anyone, about feeling rejected and perhaps becoming spiteful...

NAVYMOM writes:Wow, and you say there's nothing there. There's about as much 'nothing' as an elephant! You two are a real mess sometimes, you know that right?

GREENMARINE writes:Duh, Harriet! I'm sitting here spilling all sorts of personal details over the net, I'm pretty sure that would indicate a big mess.

NAVYMOM writes:Cool it with the sarcasm, Mac, we'll figure something out.

Harriet then decided she might as well drop a bombshell of her own and see what Mac did about it.

NAVYMOM writes:How long have you been in love with him?

GREENMARINE writes:... what?

A satisfied smirk slipped onto Harriet's face, as she kept typing.

NAVYMOM writes:I said how long have you been in love with him, you can put me up on charges later.

GREENMARINE writes:I... I... uh, in love with who? Mic?

NAVYMOM writes:Do you know how bad that sounded? Need I remind you that you don't lie well to your friends? And you know full well I'm talking about Harm, not Mic!

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet... I.. don't know.

NAVYMOM writes:But you're not denying it anymore. We're making progress here. Now talk.

GREENMARINE writes:I don't know how long Harriet, ok? A long time, is that what you wanted to hear?

NAVYMOM writes:I'd much rather hear that you were going to do something about it.

GREENMARINE writes:What? I asked him what he'd give up, he couldn't even answer me.

NAVYMOM writes:...

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet?

NAVYMOM writes:I'm here.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet there's something you're not telling me, now what's going on?

NAVYMOM writes:Nothing Ma'am.

GREENMARINE writes:Yeah right, you're hiding something.

NAVYMOM writes:Not at all.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet, you better talk, unless you want me to make that an order!

Mac had to grin a bit at that, knowing that Harriet would eventually tell her. After another long pause, Harriet resumed typing.

NAVYMOM writes:I, wasn't trying to listen in, but Harm and Bud were talking, Harm looked sort of.. distant, upset too. He and Bud were talking about giving things up, he said 'she' asked if he'd give up his girlfriend, and when Bud asked him what his reply was, he said he'd give it all up. I - I thought they were talking about you but I wasn't in a place where I could tell.

Back in D.C. Harriet was chewing on her lip, wondering if she should say what Harm had said next, of course, he and Bud had spoken with anonymity, using vague terms, but both Bud and Harriet knew who was being spoken about. She was lost in thought and didn't realize that Mac had yet to answer. And then Harm had said he loved her, without any prodding from Bud, he hadn't even asked, and then Bud asked if he'd told her, and Harm's only answer was "I tried." After a moment's thought, she started typing again.

NAVYMOM writes:Mac, are you OK?

GREENMARINE writes:Sure, if you count the fact that right now I feel like a fool. This is such a mess. I just wish I knew if he loves me like I love him.

Just as Harriet was about to reply...

LTBUD has signed on

NAVYMOM writes:Hi Bud!

GREENMARINE writes:Yeah, Hi Bud.

LTBUD writes:Hi Ma'am, Hi Harriet.

GREENMARINE writes:Oh boy here we go again... Bud, I have a name, it's Mac, use it sometime, won't you?

LTBUD writes:Yes Ma'am, er Mac.

GREENMARINE writes:grumble... That's what I get for making friends at work.

LTBUD writes:So, what were you two ladies talking about?

In a frantic scramble both started typing at once, oblivious to the fact that Bud had seen his wife talking to Mac earlier and had gone to the other computer upstairs.

GREENMARINE writes:Uh, shopping!

NAVYMOM writes:We were talking about AJ.

GREENMARINE writes:Uh, that is to say we were talking about... shopping ... for AJ.

LTBUD writes:Really.

NAVYMOM writes:Sure, there's a great sale on at Sinter's.

GREENMARINE writes:Yeah, Sinter's!

Unseen by either, Bud rolled his eyes, he might've been mild-mannered, but he wasn't clueless, and he knew just what what they were talking about, or actually, who, due to his computer skills.

LTBUD writes:So, what's new Ma-c?

GREENMARINE writes:Hey, that's progress Bud, first names :) And there's... not too much right now.

Harriet was knowingly silent, because if they talked about what was new, they'd inevitably return to Harm.

LTBUD writes:Harriet, anything to add?

NAVYMOM writes:Of course not silly, I'm right downstairs.

Bud just rolled his eyes at that, who did they think they were fooling?

GREENMARINE writes: D So, how's Harm?

Harriet saw right through her seemingly casual question though, but it was Bud who called her on it.

LTBUD writes:With all due respect ma'am, I think you already know since you've been talking about him for the past 35 minutes.

After that there was a long silence.

NAVYMOM writes:Bud!

LTBUD writes:Sorry Honey, I have to call things as I see them, besides I knew you were thinking it anyway.

GREENMARINE writes:37 minutes and 25 seconds actually.

LTBUD writes:But, she's not denying it, see Harriet?

NAVYMOM writes:Bud...

GREENMARINE writes:Figures... Going to a different subject, Bud how long have you been on this chatroom?

LTBUD writes:I, um, just briefly.

GREENMARINE writes:I think he's heard to much Harriet.

NAVYMOM writes:scoffs it's nothing he didn't know, you two have the most convoluted relationship of anyone I know... Ma'am.

GREENMARINE writes:Cute Harriet, real cute. In any case, I've gotta get off, I've got cases, this isn't a vacations cruise.

NAVYMOM writes:Ok, bye Mac. Any special message for you-know-who?

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet.

NAVYMOM writes:Yes Ma'am, signing off.

NAVYMOM has signed off.

GREENMARINE writes:Talk to you later Bud.. Oh and Bud, Neither of you heard anything.

LTBUD writes:Yes Ma'am, I'll relate the message.

GREENMARINE writes:Harriet has you trained well.

GREENMARINE has signed off.

Bud looked at the screen slightly puzzled for a little while, then went ahead with his plan, not quite sure what he intended to do just yet but knowing something needed to be done. Five minutes later, the screen updated.

LTBUD has signed off.

Closing the chat window, Mac rolled her eyes, some things would never change. And then slowly the reality of what she had talked with Harriet about set in. What exactly was "How long have you been in love with him?" supposed to mean anyway? Not that there were many ways to figure it out, but right now, she was torn between calling Harm and leaving it alone. "This is such a mess, I don't know whether to be angry at him or happy." Stifling a snort, she relized that seemed to be the story of her relationship with Harm, if it could be called that. Misconceptions and vague terminology. What the heck does 'You know the reason' mean?

Knowing she wouldn't get much sleep, she busied herself working on cases long into the night, though every so often she would realized her thoughts were once again drifting stateside, and having resigned herself to the fact that it was going to be a long night.

* * *

Thoughts? Comments? Angry letters threatening my existence? Please review, you know you're dying to :)

I will respond to all reviews in the next chapter, if there are any that is.

P.s. Yes I know my style is a little different, but work with me, and if you see something that needs work, just tell me fore crying out loud. And Yes this is gonne be shipper at the end, I just need to insert the proper amount of angst first.

* * *


	2. The Homefront

The Way We Are (Part 2)

Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me, but rather to DPB, CBS and Paramount, I'm just borrowing the characters since I couldn't shake any sense into their owners.

Spoilers: Guilt (season 7)

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so you should know a few things, (1) I need some help! Reviews, critiques, and betas would be appreciated. (2) I might tweak a few things from Season 7 to fit the story, so. don't freak out, ok? (3) If you see something wrong, don't hesitate to let me know about it. (4) To see exactly where we are with this story, the first part starts right after Measure of Men. And by the way, if I don't get everything right, don't kill me, just let me know, I don't know a killing amount about the military...

P.S. Yes I know they're a bit out of character since it's very unlikely either of them would say anything, that's the whole reason this actually works, because for once their chronic 'shutting-up' problem is gone! For that matter several people are a little different.

P.S.S. For this story, assume that Renee and Harm broke up in Minnesota when she re-connected with Cyrus. (anything to get rid of the big bad video princess)

The Way We Are (Part 2)

0800 LOCAL

JAG HEADQUARTERS

FALLS CHURCH, VA

For once, Commander Harmon Rabb was actually on time for work and the one person who he wished he could tell wasn't here. Well that just figured. The fact that the last time he tried to talk to that person he got a brick wall didn't keep him from missing her. Or worrying about her, which he did more than enough of. Especially since yesterday when the Admiral had informed him that their embassy in Aceh was under attack. Their embassies were coming under attack more often at times, but her being there made it personal, and thus started him to worrying for the next few hours. Bud and Harriet had realized that he wasn't going to stop fretting and simply shared a knowing smile and went to wait with him until they got word that she was ok. Even if they didn't talk about it, they all knew well enough what was bothering him. As he sat with the others waiting for the Admiral to start handing out cases, his mind wandered to the Indian Ocean, specifically the Guadalcanal where Mac was currently stationed, he wondered how much longer she'd have to be there. And why she had to keep putting herself in dangerous situations, although he knew she was following orders it didn't make him any less concerned. Just then the Admiral's voice broke through his thoughts. "Mr Rabb, is there something more pressing on your mind than the court martial you've been assigned?" asked the Admiral while handing him a folder. He was obviously annoyed that one of his senior officers was so out of it today. Harm had the good sense to appear chastised and snapped off a quick "No Sir, Sorry Sir." The Admiral hid the smile that was begging to come out. "Fine, don't let it happen again." "Yes Sir."

On the way back to his office, Sturgis caught Harm. "Hey, you up for basketball later?" Before he could finish asking Harm replied, "Sure, see you at 1800" and headed into his office, leaving Sturgis slightly confused. _'What's up with him today?'_ Although it appeared to be business as usual for Harm, those who knew him could tell that something was different. For that matter though, something had been different for a long time and at times the tension in the office was worse than ever. Watching Harm close the door to his office, Sturgis shook his head, this place was such a soap opera sometimes!

When lunchtime rolled around, the Admiral called Harm to his office before he went out. "Commander Rabb reporting as requested sir." AJ watched him for a moment before calling out "At ease and have a seat." Moving to sit in the chair next to him instead of the leather one behind his desk, he paused only briefly before speaking. "Commander I know you've had a rough go of it the past few months, but yesterday and today you've been less than focused, any reason for that?" Harm fought with everything he had not to squirm under the intense look he was receiving. "No sir, it's uncalled for, I have no excuse." AJ had to roll his eyes at that, he knew very well the reason for Harm's recent behavior. "Sir?" Was all he dared to ask though it appeared almost as if the Admiral was amused. _'You've gotta stop drinking Tiner's coffee, buddy, it does stuff to your head.' _Was the sarcastic comment his brain made while AJ decided which way to take this. "Now, one word of this to anyone and you'll be on your way to the Aleutians before you can say TAD, but how are _you _doing since May?" "May, sir?"

AJ was still trying to figure out his senior officers, they were brilliant in the courtroom, but in terms of anything on a personal level, they were about as messed up as it came. "Coming back from the Henry, a dunk in the Atlantic, other "events" that we won't bring up right now. Ring any bells Commander?" He offered, a hint of a smirk on his face. "Events?" was Harm's blank reply, prompting AJ to take a deep breath, and with exaggerated patience ask yet another question. "Are you having an echoing problem Commander?" By this point Harm was confused, normally Admiral Chegwidden didn't ask much personally. "No sir, I-" "Didn't expect your CO to care?" He paused to try and gauge the Admiral's intentions as he replied. "No sir, I mean it's not that... permission to speak freely sir?" AJ grinned at that, "I'm pretty sure we've already passed the point where you would ask, but go ahead." Harm let out a deep breath, trying to figure out how or even if he should say any of this to his CO. "Sir I just, I've felt out of place... for a while now." AJ settled back in his chair, he knew exactly when Harm had started feeling uncomfortable. "Since you got back from flight duty?" Harm seemed surprised that AJ would know. "Relax Rabb, it's no secret that ever since then things have been strained around here, and that's putting it mildly... You feel out of place with your friends right?" Harm appeared as though he might argue until AJ planted a glare on him plainly telling him to 'cut the crap'. "Ok, I guess I should let you know this is messy... When I left for flying I thought I was making the right choice, flying has always been 'me' but-" AJ chose that moment to enter the conversation again, "It wasn't the same as before you came to JAG? You wondered if you had made the right choice but were too proud to say anything.. You know, you can stop me if any of this is wrong." A visible change was evident, for once the cocky flyboy wasn't sure about something. "Everyone had moved on with their lives. I suppose that was part my fault, but I wish things were like they were before." AJ watched him quietly, at this point he was talking more to himself anyway. "I guess I made a mess again, didn't I?"

_'Now he's getting it'_ thought AJ, watching realization dawn for one exceptionally dense Naval officer. "I told you once never to look back, and I'll amend that now, since you never listened anyway" he stated with a hint of a rueful smile that kept Harm from wincing at the painful memory of the last time he heard those words; "It's not wrong to look back, but you need to do something for the present Harm." When Harm didn't say anything right away, AJ surprised both of them by saying almost word-for-word what Harm was thinking. "You know, even if you tried once, it might not have been the right time, but timing's never kept you from trying again." The expression on Harm's face was a priceless mix of shock and appreciation. "I, uh take it we're not talking in general terms anymore are we sir." The admiral held in a snort, he was starting to see the wisdom in letting a marine deal with him most of the time, Harm was a brilliant lawyer, but when it came to Mac he could be dense. Of course said Marine could be equally dense while matching his stubbornness which was something AJ wouldn't go into right now. Perhaps only Tiner knew just how much money in aspirin those two had cost him over the years. "No Commander, we're not, though I can see why it takes the Marines to keep you sharp." As Harm didn't quite know what to make of that remark he

just stayed quiet.

"Listen Rabb, I don't know what the future holds, but when you get second chances with friends, I'd like to think you value them enough not to take them for granted." Harm had been silent for a little while, but then spoke. "I don't want to ruin my chance." He said honestly, which led AJ to figuring out more about his officers. "So you've tried to work it out before, it didn't quite happen, and you're afraid of losing everything?" Harm's jaw just about dropped but he quickly pulled it back up, he needed to give the admiral more credit. _'He understands me more than I thought.'_ Knowing at this point that denying it would be futile, he just acknowledged that the admiral was right, then grinned a little. "I guess most people wouldn't peg me for being afraid sir." AJ muttered something that sound very much like "Don't I know it" before replying "I know you have an ego to protect Harm... Just- take a chance sometime." Harm straightened in his chair, "Aye sir." As they both stood, AJ glanced at his watch. "Now then, it seems our little chat ran long, and I doubt we have time to go out now, care to join me in the cafeteria?" Harm let out a breath he must've been holding the entire time he was there, "Yes sir, thank you sir." The admiral seemed to vaguely smile at that, "I didn't say I was paying Rabb." "Yes sir, understood sir, I meant-" Harm was again stopped by the admiral. "Lighten up, I know what you meant Commander, let's eat, shall we?" Before they exited his office, AJ addressed the question that had been on Harm's mind all day, which addressed any lingering doubt as to who they were talking about. "Her COD is coming in from the Guadalcanal tomorrow at 2000, I wonder if she'll need a ride." Despite speaking a little lower, he was talking to Harm who seemed unsure once again. "Yes, I was talking to you Rabb, no time like the present for a fresh start. Make of it what you will. Now then, I believe we're heading to lunch."

2038 LOCAL

HARM'S APARTMENT

NORTH OF UNION STATION

That evening, Harm sat in his apartment, quietly strumming chords on his guitar. The admiral had surprised him today. _'How did he know?'_ Harm wondered, though he suspected that even if he asked, AJ wouldn't tell him. He wasn't the only one who noticed something, Sturgis had used their game of basketball to pick his brain on why he was acting different. Sturgis had finally come to the conclusion that it had to do with Mac, and when Harm refused to confirm or deny, he'd wisely left it alone.

Right now he'd give a lot to be able to have his best friend back. He wondered now in retrospect if he would've gone back to flying if he'd known things would get so bad for them. As much as he wanted to say no, he honestly didn't know what he would've done. _This probably my fault too. Where did we go wrong?' _If it had been when he left for flying then that would've meant she felt he was leaving everything behind.. including her. _'But I wasn't leaving her behind, she knew that I needed to prove that I could still fly.'_ Once again his mind was trying to justify things. His heart said otherwise. _'She did **NOT** know that you weren't leaving her, even if you told her that. The least you could've done was give her something to wait for.'_ He felt sure he must've been going crazy, he was arguing with himself. _'I'm sure Mac would find this rather amusing now wouldn't she?'_ At that thought, a grin spread over his face which quickly faded, it was rather hard to have fun when you couldn't share it with your best friend.

Letting his mind wander back a few years, he remembered a time when they had said goodbye, he was leaving to fly and neither could say what they wanted to. She had offered to water his plants for him, but he'd said he didn't have any, it was perhaps a failed attempt at trying to stay close while he was gone, and he hadn't even taken the time to write.Nothing was the same when he got back, and that hurt, it felt like he had been replaced. _'They had to get on with their lives someday'_ said an annoying, but reasonable voice in his head. What happened later on in Sydney was enough to make him cringe even at the name, it was just another chapter in their lives, but it was one he wished had never been written. She'd been ready for a relationship, and he wasn't. Advance and retreat seemed to be their motto though. _'I only said I wasn't ready yet, but she wouldn't even wait for me, the next day she had Bugme's ring!'_ A scowl passed over his face, but it quickly faded into a frown, _' What if she thought I meant not ever?'_ He hadn't exactly given her much to work with, just a "Not yet" that could've been taken a hundred ways.

Fast-forwarding to the time around her botched wedding, He hadn't even been a good friend then. As hurt as he was over it, he failed her in being a friend. He thought back to words said in anger when he had told her about going to do his quals, when all she had wanted was her best friend's support at the wedding and he'd been mean about that too. But she had come through for him, when he was alone in the Atlantic, fighting for his life, she'd come through for him then too, had found him when no one else could. She'd done her fair share of hurtful things too, but she'd saved him when it meant the most. And then Mic had left, and despite everything that had gone down in the past, she still tried to go to him, but he'd been busy helping Renee, albeit out of a sense of duty, he'd known before then that anything he and Renee had was temporary. But he'd sent Mac away when every instinct he had told him to pull her into his arms and not let go. _'But I let her go. Again... How do we get ourselves into these things?'_

Even though the admiral had all but issued an order to pick her up, he still didn't know what he could tell her. 'Yeah Mac, I know I've been a lousy friend but I want another chance.' She'd have every right not to want to talk to him again, and she'd already started exercising that right at the Guadalcanal. _'For once, I was ready and she wasn't'_ He thought bitterly. But even if he wanted to, he couldn't stay bitter, it was just as much his fault as hers. Besides that, when he heard about hte embassy being attacked, all he could do was think about her. He didn't want the last time they talked to be so.. so.. bad. She hadn't stuck around to find out that he'd give up more than she thought.

Setting his guitar down he moved to his computer, and although he told himself it was to work on his cases, he ended up online. Shortly, an Instant message from Bud popped up, telling him to go to the JAG Chatroom. Sighing, he opened the box.

LTBUD writes: Evening Sir

GONAVY writes: Hi Bud, and we're not at work, it's Harm

LTBUD writes: Yes Sir, uh Harm.

Harm just rolled his eyes, some things never changed.

LTBUD writes: In any case S-.. Harm, how are you doing?

GONAVY writes: I'm alive if that's what you're asking.

LTBUD writes: Okay, that's it, what's going on lately?

GONAVY writes: Nothing Bud, how are Harriet and AJ? I'm still of the opinion that we should string up Singer.

LTBUD writes: They're fine, Harriet's still a little shaken up but she's ok... And, Harm- I'm a lawyer, I know when people are lying, and when they're avoiding my

questions.

GONAVY writes: Maybe Mac and I _shouldn't_ have taught you so much.

When Harm was quiet for several minutes, even when Bud didn't reply, Bud started typing again.

LTBUD writes: I suspect this has to do with Mac, doesn't it?

GONAVY writes: I... yeah.

Harm knew that if they were going to forget ranks for the night, Bud was going to call him on it if he denyed the question anyway.

LTBUD writes: Have you heard from her?

GONAVY writes: No, I wish I had. I know she's ok, but I'd still like to talk to her.

LTBUD writes: Because you're in love with her and you worry about her even though she's a Marine.

It wasn't even a question, and when Harm started typing again, even he was surprised at how straightforward Bud was being.

GONAVY writes: I thought we talked about this stuff the other day Bud.

LTBUD writes: It won't hurt you to admit it you know.

GONAVY writes: I know it won't, so fine, I'm in love with her. But right now I don't even think she wants to talk to me.

LTBUD writes: Well you never know sir.

Bud's reply struck Harm as rather cryptic, but Bud knew Mac missed Harm, that much was evident in what she told Harriet.

GONAVY writes: Bud what aren't you telling me?

LTBUD writes: I just said you never know, you two have been friends for years now, there's no way she doesn't miss you.

GONAVY writes: Bud, you know something.

LTBUD writes: This is exactly why I didn't want to make friends with lawyers before I came to JAG.

GONAVY writes: Hey, it works both ways, you got me to talk, I'm pretty sure I can make you.

LTBUD writes: Hold on a second.

On his end, Bud sorted through a file hidden on his computer until he came to part of Harriet and Mac's conversation the other day. He knew Mac would kill him if she found out, but Mac and Harm's relationship needed some help.

LTBUD writes: Ok, you'll have to promise that you'll protect me from the Marine if she finds out, but she and Harriet were chatting the other day, and when they ended

up talking about you and Harriet asked Mac if she missed you. This is her reply:

--GREENMARINE writes: More than anything, Harriet. I refused to even talk to him when he came out here.--

Sound familiar, Harm?

Mac had spilled that little detail amongst a host of others after relating the long story since Harm left. The silence from Harm's end prompted a small smirk from Bud. For once, his friend and mentor was speechless. And just the other day, Harm had told Bud that he missed Mac more than anything, the same day he spilled that he was in love with her.

GONAVY writes: Um. Yeah, ok. I didn't think she felt that way.

At this point, Bud didn't really care that Mac had told him not to say anything, then again, she didn't even know that he had seen that part of her conversation, so it didn't technically count. Bud figured he could always call upon some technicality to get him off the hook anyways.

LTBUD writes: You want to just tell me?

GONAVY writes: I don't know, things have been pretty messed up the past few years.

LTBUD writes: That's why I'm asking you to tell me.

GONAVY writes: Fine, I guess it's at least half my fault...

Harm's side of it had a lot to do with the same issues Mac had told Harriet about, only from his point of view. He'd wanted to prove he could still fly, but he hadn't thought she'd take it so so hard, in Australia he'd just wanted a little more time to bury his ghosts, and the wedding had just been a fiasco all the way around. With a few insightful questions from Bud, Harm saw more clearly his mistakes, and Bud explained a few things he'd learned from being around Harriet for so long.

LTBUD writes: When are you going to get around to telling her this?

GONAVY writes: I wish I knew.

LTBUD writes: Harm, don't take this the wrong way, but you're an idiot.

GONAVY writes: I know..-- Hey! That's insulting! How pray tell am I not supposed to take that the wrong way?

LTBUD writes: Well, you see I meant-

GONAVY writes: I know what you meant Bud, and I guess I should admit that you're right.. You know the admiral all but told me I could go pick her up tomorrow night.

LTBUD writes: Well it sounds like you at least have an opportunity to try and be friends again.

GONAVY writes: But what if she doesn't even want to talk to me?

LTBUD writes: I thought we already talked about that.

GONAVY writes: Well, yeah, but-

LTBUD writes: No buts, take a chance, would you?

GONAVY writes: The admiral said that too.

LTBUD writes: Gee I wonder why? Seriously, talk to her, make her see that you want to be friends again.

GONAVY writes: I know I should...

Bud grinned, he knew Harm would do it.

LTBUD writes: And that means you will, doesn't it?

GONAVY writes: Yes sir.

LTBUD writes: Funny. But you know you want to.

GONAVY writes: Yeah, I will. I guess- I'll just start with the truth.

LTBUD writes: Never a bad place to start you know.

GONAVY writes: That's true, I can't give up on her now. Besides, I guess I still owe her for getting me out of that big pond East of here.

LTBUD writes: Oh, Harm, one word of advice: Be totally honest, and whatever you do, don't say not yet. You two have a habit of guesswork and miscommunication

instead of just talking.

GONAVY writes: That's an understatement, if I never hear the words "Not yet" again it'll be too soon.

LTBUD writes: Tell her that.

GONAVY writes: I will Bud, I will... Ok, I really should get off. Thanks Bud.

LTBUD writes: Anytime Sir.

GONAVY writes: Good grief, have you forgotten my name in a half hour?

LTBUD writes: No Harm. By the way, you're not going to tell me I didn't hear anything like your Marine did, are you?

GONAVY writes: No comment there. Tell Harriet and my godson hello.

LTBUD writes: Will do. See you tomorrow.

GONAVY has signed off

A few seconds later...

NAVYMOM has signed on.

NAVYMOM writes: Honey was that Harm?

LTBUD writes: Yes, those two are the craziest pair I've ever seen.

NAVYMOM writes: Tell me about it.

LTBUD writes: Harriet, I have a plan, Come downstairs, I need to show you something...

The answering squeal, which Bud could hear, even though he was at his computer upstairs and she was at the one in the kitchen told him he had a willing supporter.

NAVYMOM has signed off.

Again, Bud lingered at the chatroom for a few moments.

LTBUD has signed off.

It was time to get things going, Armed with several sheets of paper and an encrypted floppy disk in his pocket, Bud met an eager Harriet in the living room.

"It's like this Honey..."

What are Bud and Harriet up to? Will Harm and Mac have their talk soon? Keep reading to find out.

**Thanks to anyone who reads and/or reviews!**

**I'm not sure how many chapters this will be, but it won't be exactly like season 7.**

dansingwolf- I agree wholeheartedly, read on, Harm gets to realizing some things too, and just because we know he's a little dense at times -(I mean that in the best possible way, lol)- He gets it from a few different angles.

writingmom- Glad you like it, and they will soon.

alix33- Thanks, it'll be a healthy dose of shipper at the end.

Alexis Rabb- A girl's gotta have her secrets, but there will definitely be some talking.

JamieAKAaclassyone- Thanks, keep reading!

achaon- I'll incorporate some of the stuff from Jagathon for sure, it was too good an episode to pass up!

starryeyes10- Thanks, keep reading!

TV Angel 711- I'm glad you like it, I'll keep writing as long as you keep reading.


	3. Coming Home

The Way We Are (Part 3)

Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me, but rather to DPB, CBS and Paramount, I'm just borrowing the characters since I couldn't shake any sense into their owners.

Spoilers: Adrift is mentioned, this is a slightly different take on Mixed Messages

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so you should know a few things, (1) I need some help! Reviews, critiques, and betas would be appreciated. (2) I might tweak a few things from Season 7 to fit the story, so. don't freak out, ok? (3) If you see something wrong, don't hesitate to let me know about it. (4) To see exactly where we are with this story, the first part starts right after Measure of Men. And by the way, if I don't get everything right, don't kill me, just let me know, I don't know a killing amount about the military...

P.S. Yes I know they're a bit out of character since it's very unlikely either of them would say anything, that's the whole reason this actually works, because for once their chronic 'shutting-up' problem is gone! For that matter several people are a little different.

P.S.S. For this story, assume that Renee and Harm broke up in Minnesota when she re-connected with Cyrus. (anything to get rid of the big bad video princess)

The Way We Are (Part 3)

From Chapter 2

LTBUD writes: Harriet, I have a plan, I'll come downstairs, I need to show you something...

The answering squeal, which Bud could hear, even though he was at his computer upstairs and she was at the one in the kitchen told him he had a willing supporter.

NAVYMOM has signed off.

Again, Bud lingered at the chatroom for a few moments.

LTBUD has signed off.

It was time to get things going, Armed with several sheets of paper and an encrypted floppy disk in his pocket, Bud met an eager Harriet in the living room.

"It's like this Honey..."

* * *

**The Way We Are (Part 3)**

2127 LOCAL

BUD AND HARRIET'S HOUSE

It was time to get things going, Armed with several sheets of paper and an encrypted floppy disk in his pocket, Bud met an eager Harriet in the living room.

"It's like this Honey, those two have the craziest relationship I've ever seen! He's in love with her, but he's afraid to tell her, they advance and retreat like they're in the middle of war games when all they really need is to come clean with each other."

Harriet fought to keep the smirk on her face from turning into a f grin, it was about time Bud realized they needed to do something, but up until now, he hadn't been interested in getting involved.

_

* * *

_

_FLASHBACK- SEVERAL MONTHS AGO_

_The sound of raised voices carried through the bullpen clearly, Harriet was standing in Bud's office trying to bring him some new evidence that had been uncovered for a case he was working on, when-_

_"You can't talk to me about moving on, you still haven't!"_

_"Well maybe if someone wasn't breathing down my neck..!"_

_"You've got a lot of nerve today, no wait I forgot, you're always an idiot!"_

_"Fine! Be that way, but get out!"_

_"Don't mind if I do!"_

_And thus ended another of Harm and Mac's c arguments before the sound of two doors slamming resounded through the office. It might've been funny that they slammed their doors at the same moment if it weren't for the fact that they were disturbing the peace-not to mention the sanity- of the office. By this time, most of the office had learned that it was better not to get involved, but that didn't keep them from wondering._

_Harriet turned back from where she'd been observing the exchange from his doorway looking out into the bullpen. A pleading expression was on her face as she spoke again. "Can't we do something Bud? They need some serious help!"_

_Bud just shook his head, resolved not to interfere in his superior's personal lives, even if they were his friends and his son's godparents. "Harriet you know we shouldn't get involved, I'm sure they'll work something out."_

_Harriet at the time had just rolled her eyes, given Bud the file and walked back to her desk, leaving a rather perplexed Bud in her wake._

_END FLASHBACK_

* * *

"Honey are you even listening?" Bud's curious and slightly worried expression told her she'd zoned out while strolling down memory lane.

"Sorry Bud, I started thinking about the last time I asked you for help with those two and now you've got an idea that I can't wait to hear." Bud's expression turned from apologetic to scheming as Harriet finally mentioned the plan.

"Well, for one thing, when it comes to their feelings, those two are about the densest people on the planet. I-"

"We already knew that Bud, we were just waiting for you to figure it out." interjected Harriet with a huge grin that said she was teasing.

"Hey do you want to know or not?" Bud feigned hurt feelings though he was already about to tell her. Seeing Harriet's impatient glare, he thought a second, then started talking. "Okay, so you know how we've been IM-ing with them lately? Well they've finally got the same idea, but they might need a little help getting it out."

"Well we all know they're in love, they just don't know it themselves." She said, though Bud could tell she wasn't saying anything about her conversation with Mac yet.

"Well they both said so in the Chatroom." Bud held up the sheets of paper, they were copies of both his and Harriet's conversations. "I knew that chatroom class would come in handy!" He muttered loud enough for her to hear with a slight grin.

Harriet's expression was a mix of being happy and a bit annoyed, but her excitement soon won out. "Yes! I can't believe you got both of them on hard copies!" Harriet nearly squealed, then her face turned a bit. "Oh my gosh, what is Mac going to say, I don't think she wanted anyone else to hear that!"

Bud waved the papers a little, "Do you honestly think she'll care about that if this works?" A full grin came to both faces and they settled down to concoct a plan.

2347 LOCAL

HARM'S APARTMENT

NORTH OF UNION STATION

Harm had gone back to playing his guitar, unable to find enough concentration to do anything else. His mind was still on Mac, even when she was all those miles away, or p because of it. Unconsciously he ended up playing a bluesy tune, his mind going back to the time when Mac might just burst into his apartment, bearing pizza, movies, and cases. It seemed a long time ago, but was it? _'I've got to do something, I need my best friend back.'_

That led him to a sense of relief that mixed in with one of being nervous. _'How do I tell her what I need to? There was a time a few years ago when she was ready and I wasn't, now we've switched places, I was ready and she wasn't. Was that how she felt in Sydney? Is there a way to fix this?'_,_ 'She told Harriet she missed you, you know you miss her just as badly, why not tell her to her face for once, instead of telling Bud at the office?'_

He was always worrying about her, she knew he worried, which was why he knew her "I'm a Marine" speech well. Why couldn't she see that he loved her? He'd said as much. _'No you didn't, you said there's someone who'll always love her, and even though she knew that much, she needs to hear something.'_, _''What if she doesn't care? She cares- she got you out of the Atlantic when everyone else thought they should be planning a funeral.'..._ "Okay this is going too far, I'm arguing with myself. Again."

Grumbling and muttering about going crazy, Harm just kept playing, trying to think of how he'd explain to her everything that he needed to. Things had gotten so messed up, but he'd do what he needed to fix them. _' "Just- take a chance sometime." That's easy for the admiral to say, he doesn't have a majorly pissed off Marine to deal with.' _

Eventually he happened to glance over at the clock and realize that the time had passed quicker than he thought. When he went to bed, he realized he was going to be in for a long night.

SAME TIME

USS GUADALCANAL

INDIAN OCEAN

Mac was staring at the ceiling, contemplating how to go about getting home. It wasn't so much the _how,_ that was already arranged, but she was wondering how to deal with everything back home. Harm hadn't deserved the way she treated him, but how was she to act when every other time they'd tried for a relationship she'd ended up hurt. _'Well I suppose it hurt him too, but that doesn't make it any easier. What exactly am I planning on telling him? I guess I won't have to worry about it for another day. But that won't make it any easier to apologize. Right now I just miss my friend.'_

There were so many misunderstandings between them. Despite the fact that she had run this time, the time away was good for her. She was able to sort herself out a little and figure out where she wanted to go. When she had left she didn't really know what to feel, there was way too much going through her brain to try and have _that_ talk. It felt like they were constantly spinning their wheels. She had been a mix of emotions but when Harm had followed her out, she'd had to reconsider the way she acted. She didn't asked him to do it but he'd taken the first step. Right now she only hoped they could both be on the same page for once, maybe they could make a fresh start.

As they had on other nights, the tears came to her eyes but didn't fall, there was so much on her mind. _'What about Lillianna?' (AN: wasn't sure how to spell that)_

She'd talked to Chloe, and her upbeat conversation had lifted her a little, but even Chloe had noticed that something was wrong. And it was, she'd left a little girl to fend for herself. She didn't know whether or not she'd even lived.

Falling into a restless sleep, her mind was filled with incessant dreams of things that they'd both done wrong, mixing in with nightmares about Lillianna. She would be happy when this night was over and she could get back home. Little did she know that the next morning Tiner would be calling her to let her know that Gunny had a ride and Commander Rabb would be there to pick her up at 2000.

THE NEXT DAY...

1638 LOCAL

JAG HQ

FALLS CHURCH, VA

Harm had already finished up and gotten the admiral's permission to secure a little early and was simply sitting as his desk, trying to figure out what to do. Someone knocked on his door but entered before he could ask them to. Seeing it was the admiral Harm scrambled to stand and come to attention but AJ waved him down before he could. "Admiral, sir." He addressed AJ who was now sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

AJ noticed Harm's nervousness, even if it wasn't outwardly visible, he could tell, like the startled way Harm had jumped when he entered, he wasn't quite attentive, of course he was responsive and such, but his mind was elsewhere. "Commander don't you have places to be?"

Harm had fallen into thought and his reply was slightly disjointed. "Uh? Yes sir, just not yet.. sir."

The corner of AJ's mouth twitched at this, his usually arrogant fighter pilot / lawyer could be a babbling idiot when it came to one Marine. "Chill commander, and that's an order. Tell the Colonel that she can have tomorrow off to get over her jet-lag. I trust you'll make sure she isn't disturbed?" A pointed glare rested on Harm as he made this point. _'So help me if they start fighting again I'll send them to couple's counseling.. Hmm, might not be a bad idea anyhow.'_

"Yes sir, of course sir." Harm had already planned to do whatever necessary to avoid them fighting, even if it meant just shutting-up.

"Very well, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then." Giving Harm the morning off wasn't out of benevolence, AJ just hoped that perhaps they could use the extra time to work things out so that his office could work in peace. Most of the people in the bullpen would've swore they heard him muttering about lawyers in love, but obviously no one was planning on saying anything. Of course AJ found it supremely funny that Mac had seemed quite surprised that Harm was coming to meet her at Andrews..

2007 LOCAL

ANDREWS AFB

Harm had been waiting for a little while when the passengers exited the plane. Across the crowd, he could see Mac and Gunny laughing about something, but Mac's smile didn't quite make it to her eyes. She looked up from the bags she was picking up and their eyes locked in a silent conversation. Something was hurting her but she was going to do something about it, that much he could tell. Something had gone wrong, but she wasn't letting it keep her from fixing it. He could help but proudly think, _'That's my Marine' _before his smile faltered just a little, she still wasn't _his._

_'Oh no, here they come... why the heck is it so hard to say hello to my best friend?... Because you're in love with her, remember?'_ Shaking his head slightly to push away the argumentative voices in his head, he smiled as Mac approached.

"uh.. Hi!" _'Real smooth Harm, you're obviously gonna win an award for communication skills.'_

"Hey.." _'That's great MacKenzie, now he's making you tongue-tied too... Hmm. I wonder if he's nervous too.. sure seems like it.'_ For some reason, that made her feel a little better and a real smile broke through for the first time in a while.

As Gunny walked over to meet them, he was just hanging up with the cab company. Harm's attention moved to Victor for a few moments. "Gunny, good to have you back." When Gunny went to go get his bags, Harm and Mac were left with an awkward s when there was no one to keep up conversation. Harm rocked back and forth a moment, before deciding to go for it and turning to Mac. "Hi."

"We already covered that, Commander." Harm offered a sheepish grin, but didn't say anything until a second later when they both started at once. "So..." On Mac's insistence that he go first, Harm smiled and started again. "_So-_ Can I give my best friend a hug?" Mac just nodded before he caught her in a lingering hug. Mac seemed reluctant to break it, but just as she did she whispered _"I'm sorry"_ in his ear. Along the way home, Mac had decided something, she was going to leave her Marine pride behind for once and focus on what Sarah wanted. Squeezing her again briefly, Harm finally let her go. "I'm sorry too." For once, Harm wasn't using cryptic riddles.

Both were mindful of the fact that they were in a base and quickly put some distance between them, just as Gunny was getting his bags. Before anyone else could hear, Harm spoke again with a faint grin. "Hey Mac, didn't you tell me never to apologize?" Mac smiled again, "Didn't you say it was an a, not an apology?"

Harm just chuckled, _"Touche." _He sighed as Gunny came back. "Sir, Ma'am, I'll see you at JAG in a few days."

"Okay Gunny, see you then." As the Gunnery S walked away, Harm and Mac were left in silence again. Yes they'd made a lot of headway in five minuted, but there were still some serious issues.

Harm took Mac's bags, angling his shoulder towards the door. "Shall we?"

Despite having known the admiral was sending Harm, she still was a little surprised, yeah she'd known he was coming but now he had. And they both deserved to do some serious talking. He needed to know why she wouldn't talk to him and what happened at the embassy. Besides it was probably only a matter of time before he'd be interrogating her about why they were facing hostile fire at an embassy anyways. The embassy. Lillianna. A girl halfway around the world that she hadn't been able to help. Her smile faded and Harm picked up on the immediate change in her mood.

"Sarah? You ok?" _'Oh God did I just call her Sarah?'_

_'Did he just call me Sarah?... I should tell him what happened I guess.'_ "Um, Can we talk in the car?"

"Sure, C'mon."

* * *

Well she's back! And they haven't started fighting yet. But will they? And will Harm and Mac be able to work things out or will Bud and Harriet have to keep working on their plan?

I thought I'd be able to get out more chapters this week, but I've been really busy, and we've been moving so one or two a week for now. The next chapter will be their big talk though, so keep reading!

Keep reading and please send reviews!

**

* * *

**

**starryeyes10-** I'm glad you're enjoying it

**daisymh-** Keep reading then!

**alix33- **Thanks for telling me, I fixed those and reuploaded. I appreciate someone being there to keep an eye on me since I haven't found a beta yet.

**Rynesmom / Cindy-** Thanks, I took that into account in this chapter, I hope it's easier to read and I'm glad you like it. I haven't seen all of season 7, but I'll say one thing, I saw part of A Tangled Webb in season 8/9 and I was about ready to hurt somebody.. I just couldn't figure out who should go first, Harm and Mac, Clay, or TPTB. I guess it's all good though since they worked it out... 2 Seasons later!


	4. Of Talking, Sweet Dreams, and Pizza

The Way We Are (Part 4)

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, I already told you that!

Spoilers: Adrift is mentioned, this is a slightly different take on Mixed Messages and Guilt

Author's Note: Season 7 tweak, minus Renee. What might happen if Harm and Mac would just say what they feel more often.

* * *

The Way We Are (Part 4)

This chapter starts to get into the shippy-ness. Is that a word? lol

* * *

From Chapter 3

"Well, for one thing, when it comes to their feelings, those two are about the densest people on the planet. I-"

"We already knew that Bud, we were just waiting for you to figure it out." interjected Harriet with a huge grin that said she was teasing.

* * *

The corner of AJ's mouth twitched at this, his usually arrogant fighter pilot / lawyer could be a babbling idiot when it came to one Marine. "Chill commander, and that's an order. Tell the Colonel that she can have tomorrow off to get over her jet-lag. I trust you'll make sure she isn't disturbed?" A pointed glare rested on Harm as he made this point. _'So help me if they start fighting again I'll send them to couple's counseling.. Hmm, might not be a bad idea anyhow.'_

* * *

_'Oh no, here they come... why the heck is it so hard to say hello to my best friend?... Because you're in love with her, remember?'_ Shaking his head slightly to push away the argumentative voices in his head, he smiled as Mac approached.

"uh.. Hi!" _'Real smooth Harm, you're obviously gonna win an award for communication skills.'_

"Hey.." _'That's great MacKenzie, now he's making you tongue-tied too... Hmm. I wonder if he's nervous too.. sure seems like it.'_ For some reason, that made her feel a little better and a real smile broke through for the first time in a while.

As Gunny walked over to meet them, he was just hanging up with the cab company. Harm's attention moved to Victor for a few moments. "Gunny, good to have you back." When Gunny went to go get his bags, Harm and Mac were left with an awkward silence when there was no one to keep up conversation. Harm rocked back and forth a moment, before deciding to go for it and turning to Mac. "Hi."

"We already covered that, Commander." Harm offered a sheepish grin, but didn't say anything until a second later when they both started at once. "So..." On Mac's insistence that he go first, Harm smiled and started again. "_So-_ Can I give my best friend a hug?" Mac just nodded before he caught her in a lingering hug. Mac seemed reluctant to break it, but just as she did she whispered _"I'm sorry"_ in his ear. Along the way back, Mac had decided something, she was going to leave her Marine pride behind for once and focus on what Sarah wanted. Squeezing her again briefly, Harm finally let her go. "I'm sorry too." For once, Harm wasn't using cryptic riddles.

* * *

And now that you've been bored to insanity with a recap of all my favorite moments from the last chapter, let's get to this one!

* * *

The Way We Are (Part 4)

The silence that fell as they walked to the car was a little uncomfortable, perhaps because each was expecting the other to be upset. Perhaps for once they'd been shocked into silence. That theory seemed almost real until both got settled in the car and were ready to head home. Mac seemed happy to be back, but very quiet, something was bothering her a lot.

HARM'S POV

I take a minute to watch Mac, reassuring myself that she's ok and memorizing the fact that even tired from flying halfway around the world, she's still beautiful. She must feel me staring and when she starts to turn towards me I avert my glance. We seem to have some sort of fragile cease-fire, and it's taken us a long time just to get that. I feel her watching me, and when our eyes meet a silent communication passes between us. I see that unknown pain in her eyes, but something else is there too. We both have the same fears about this.. thing, but behind them, there's this determination in both of us to try again. And that gives me enough courage to just start talking.

"I missed you, you know?"

She seems surprised that I just came out and admitted that, but if that little smile on her face is any indication, it's a good surprised, and my smile only grows when she says she missed me too. So I take a deep breath and dive in. This idea to talk in the car may be good, after all, neither of us can run off and we've got a drive ahead of us.

"What's bothering you, Marine?"

MAC'S POV

He's always been fairly good at reading me, he could tell something was up when we were at the airport, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. Now I think I am. Harriet kept telling me that I should follow my heart for once, I think that's what I'll do now. So I try to figure out where to start.

"A little more than 2 weeks after you went back to JAG, you heard about the 'situation' with Corporal Lassiter? Well shortly after we figured out that he really was guilty, the locals surrounded the consulate. Eventually they had to call off the helos because there was too much risk to their teams. Anyway, this girl, Lillyana-her mother was a chef there- she saved our lives, showed us another way out. The place was built by the Dutch and there's a secret tunnel that goes over to a nearby street and she took us to her school a few blocks away until the helos came." I pause, remembering that night less than two weeks ago. "She got us out just as the mob broke in, and as we were getting on the helos we came under fire. I told her to go back to the school, but she made this picture of me and she was running to bring it.. And then there was a small fireball right in front of her.. Harm I don't even know if she lived."

I'm grateful that he's here, he knows to let me be for a second to collect my thoughts, but he puts his hand on my shoulder, albeit a little tentatively, as if he's not quite sure how I'll feel about it. I can tell he's a worried, not just about me, but how I'll take personal contact, but he doesn't back away for which I'm grateful.

"Hey- you did something you had to do, and you helped save 22 people." I can tell he's trying to make me feel better, but he also understands how I'm feeling because that's not all he says. "I know that it probably won't make you feel any better, but I _do_ see where you're coming from. No conflict is pretty, and they rarely work out the way we want them to. But we'll figure something out. I promise you that much."

And the past keeps coming up tonight, because I reply, "Don't make a promise you can't keep," and just like way back when, he says "I haven't yet." We both smile at that and he focuses on driving for a little while. Tonight is really going much better than I had hoped, because I was almost positive he'd be either mad or unresponsive.

After a few minutes of comfortable quiet, I gather enough courage to start talking again. Here goes...

BACK TO THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT (AN: that means it reads like a story! My English teacher would be proud- lol)

"I was surprised when you came out to the Guadalcanal." As a passing thought, Mac wondered if she should've started there as she saw Harm wince just a little.

"I wanted to be there for you." Even as he kept his voice at an even tone, Harm's voice was pained and a little lower than usual. "I wasn't trying to cramp you or get you mad."

Mac sucked in a deep breath at that, she knew she'd been rude but still. "Well Harm I _had_ gone to you, but you were too busy with Renee, remember?" When Harm was suddenly quiet, Mac realized that wasn't the best way to say it.

"Mac do you think I wanted to be around her when my best friend needed me? I wanted to be there for you, not a blond video princess! I'm sick of fighting you Sarah." Harm was too riled up to notice that he had called Renee what Mac had usually thought of her as. But Mac heard it loud and clear, and was fighting a smirk despite the tension that had quickly risen.

"A blond video princess? Is that anyway to talk about your girlfriend Harm?" She was so thankful for the diversion from a situation that was about to turn into an argument, that she almost didn't notice the rest of what he said. _' "I'm sick of fighting you." And he called me Sarah again.'_ If that was a surprise thought, what he said next was more of a shock.

"She is _NOT_ my girlfriend anymore!" Harm shouted, not paying any attention to the teasing tone in her voice or even what he'd called Renee, just that she was not his girlfriend. When he realized he'd said that out loud, he looked at Mac with wide eyes, only to find her expression mirroring his. Darting his eyes back to the road quickly, he repeated it, though quieter this time. "She's not my girlfriend anymore because we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. And I meant it when I said I'm sick of fighting you."

The car was completely quiet for five more minutes but since both had lapsed into thought, neither noticed it. Mac broke the silence again. "I don't want to fight with you either.. I _am _sorry though, I wasn't thinking very clearly though, and I needed a little time to sort myself out. I just didn't explain it very well, heck I couldn't quite explain it to myself."

"It's over with now, don't worry about it, ok? Next time I won't push so hard." Harm wasn't aware of just how that sounded but Mac called him on it.

"Is there going to be a next time? Why do we always end up dancing like this?" It was an instant reminder of their unfinished conversation on the Guadalcanal that could've made the tension worse, except for the fact that Harm took control of the situation, remembering what the admiral said about second chances.

"You never did hear what I said you know. I would give Renee up, actually I already had. And dancing is not something I'm fond of." It was a reminder of the miscommunication that seemed to become a common trait for them, but also that there was hope. At least they both agreed they were sick of dancing.

Mac thought about that for a little bit, then smiled. "I guess I should remind you that the wives of certain Lieutenants have loose lips."

"Harriet." Was Harm's immediate response accompanied by a long-suffering groan. His breath caught just slightly though as he realized what else Harriet might've heard. Surely she wouldn't have told Mac _that, _would she? Mac didn't seem to be acting different about it, so he let a sigh out. There'd be time to tell her, he had to make sure of that, but he didn't want to tell her he loved her on the highway.

Mac smiled, "Harriet was trying to get me to chill out a little," _'I thought you wouldn't want to talk anymore,'_ she silently added. It was a relief to be able to talk to him again, and although it was different because neither could run away, it was a good different.

"What were you worried about?" Harm asked, a faint smile on his face at the thought of teasing his marine about being afraid of something.

"Nevermind. Anything new at JAG?" She asked, desperately trying to change the subject to anything but where it was heading.

"Well I guess I should tell you that one of my buddies from the academy is here. Lt. Commander Sturgis Turner.. The bubblehead became a lawyer!" Harm added with a laugh.

Mac just rolled her eyes, "Of that's _just_ what we need, more squids."

"Oh come on, we've got more than enough to deal with between you and Gunny!" Harm quipped, knowing the Marine would have something to say about that.

"So you're saying you can't handle it Navy?" A smug grin was now all over Mac's face.

"I just said two Marines is enough! Besides I can handle a Marine any day." As Harm was saying this, Mac was wondering how long it would take him to figure out where this conversation was heading. Of course it could mean anything, but with _them?_ Yeah right.

"Oh so you think you can handle a Marine? You must've drank too much saltwater." As she indirectly mentioned his Atlantic dunk, she winced, coming upon one of the more painful memories of the last few years.

Harm shrank a little at the mention of his Atlantic adventure, but quickly came back with a grin. "Are you implying that I should try it?"

Mac said the only thing she could think of, "Red light Commander" to which Harm rolled his eyes and burst out laughing, and Mac eventually joined in. Their playful bantering was back, and while they both knew not to take it seriously, just the same it was an indicator that they'd be okay.

All too soon, they were in front of Mac's apartment in Georgetown and she was getting out while Harm was getting her bags. "Need any help with those Marine?"

Mac rolled her eyes but smiled, "No, but since you're going to take them up no matter what I say I'm going to have help." Harm just flashed her a grin and set about carrying her bags upstairs. When she opened the door, she found her apartment just as she had left it, but there was a fundamental difference- it was considerably cleaner than she left it. With a curious expression Mac looked to Harm who had taken to studying the ceiling. "Harm? This apartment is cleaner than before."

"Yeah well I stopped by earlier to pick up after Hurricane MacKenzie!" Harm's sheepish grin turned into a teasing one then.

Mac punched his arm, though not nearly hard enough to do any damage. "Jerk!"

"Well if _that's_ how I'm going to be r, I won't even mention the soda and frozen pizza I left for you." He muttered while rubbing his arm good-naturedly.

Mac hurried off to the kitchen, pumping her fist in the air as she pulled the items from the fridge. "Maybe I _should_ keep you around. Stay for pizza?" She asked, even while pulling dishes and putting the pizza in the oven, knowing he'd probably stay.

"Yeah why not, but it's getting late so just a little while." Harm busied himself h out in the kitchen, and then Mac headed off to change.

HARM'S POV

The pizza's just about ready and Mac, who is almost always hungry, should've been out by now. So I knock on her closed bedroom door, only to have it drift open. Upon closer inspection, I see Mac fast asleep in sweats and a t-shirt. Well at least she managed to put her uniform away.

She looks so peaceful that I'm torn, should I wake her or not. But then I notice the slightly drawn expression on her face and the barely visible circles below her eyes. Maybe it's only when we're asleep that we show everything we're too proud to admit. It _would_ explain why Mom and Grandma always said I only look like an angel when I'm asleep. Which a little smile on my face at that, I pull a spare blanket from her closet and drape it over her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. With the fragile balance we seem to have reclaimed, I can honestly say I wouldn't do that if she were awake. At least.. not right away, but I'm hopeful that we'll get there.

After I put the pizza away in case she decides to go for a midnight snack, I glance at the clock and find it only 2117, and I remind myself that if Mac were awake she could likely give me the exact second. I smile again and pull a sheet of paper and a pen from the drawer where Mac always keeps an assorted collection of them. Even when we've been going through rough times, we still know each other. I place something (AN: chocolate, what else!) in the drawer by her bed and sit down to write her a note.

_Mac, I didn't want to wake you, you need your rest. _

_The pizza is in containers in the r, and I left you a little something in the drawer. _

_I'll call you in the morning and maybe we can finish a pizza without SOMEONE falling asleep!_

_I'm glad you're back and yes I know we still have some stuff to talk about, maybe tomorrow morning_

_if you're up to it. The admiral gave me the morning off._

_Sweet dreams, __Harm._

Now normally I'd say this is very different from the way I normally am, but I've got this almost light-headed feeling that everything's okay. Well maybe not right now, but it's getting there, I think I can honestly say we're getting back to being friends, and as I let myself watch her for another second or so, I realize it's great.

THIRD PERSON etc..

"Good night, Ninja Girl."

The sound of feet crossing a room was heard and then the soft click of a door being closed and then locked from the outside with Harm's key and then Harm drove home quietly, silently thanking anyone he could think of for giving him his friend back.

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Will they get it right this time? Keep reading!

Anybody want to beta? I'm not sure how many more chappies to come, but at least one a week should be a safe bet.

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**starryeyes10-** Glad you like it!

**Toplesslemon-** Thanks! I might need a beta.. if you're interested?

**daisymh-** Thanks! Keep reading!


	5. Communication For Dummies

The Way We Are (Part 5)

Disclaimer: They're not mine, why must you keep asking!

Spoilers: Mixed Messages and Guilt

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so you should know a few things, (1) I need some help! Reviews, critiques, and betas would be appreciated. (2) I might tweak a few things from Season 7 to fit the story, so, don't freak out, ok? (3) If you see something wrong, don't hesitate to let me know about it.

And by the way, if I don't get everything right, don't kill me, just let me know, I don't know a lot about the military...

P.S. Yes I know they're a bit out of character since it's very unlikely either of them would say anything, that's the whole reason this actually works, because for once their chronic 'shutting-up' problem is gone! For that matter several people are a little different.

P.S.S. For this story, assume that Renee and Harm broke up in Minnesota when she re-connected with Cyrus. (anything to get rid of the big bad video princess!)

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The Way We Are (Pt 5) 

From Chapter 4

"I missed you, you know?"

She seems surprised that I just came out and admitted that, but if that little smile on her face is any indication, it's a good surprised, and my smile only grows when she says she missed me too. So I take a deep breath and dive in. This idea to talk in the car may be good, after all, neither of us can run off and we've got a drive ahead of us.

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"I wanted to be there for you." Even as he kept his voice at an even tone, Harm's voice was pained and a little lower than usual. "I wasn't trying to cramp you or get you mad." 

Mac sucked in a deep breath at that, she knew she'd been rude but still. "Well Harm I _had_ gone to you, but you were too busy with Renee, remember?" When Harm was suddenly quiet, Mac realized that wasn't the best way to say it.

"Mac do you think I wanted to be around her when my best friend needed me? I wanted to be there for you, not a blond video princess! I'm sick of fighting you Sarah." Harm was too riled up to notice that he had called Renee what Mac had usually thought of her as. But Mac heard it loud and clear, and was fighting a smirk despite the tension that had quickly risen.

"A blond video princess? Is that anyway to talk about your girlfriend Harm?" She was so thankful for the diversion from a situation that was about to turn into an argument, that she almost didn't notice the rest of what he said. _' "I'm sick of fighting you." And he called me Sarah again.'_ If that was a surprise thought, what he said next was more of a shock.

"She is _NOT_ my girlfriend anymore!" Harm shouted, not paying any attention to the teasing tone in her voice or even what he'd called Renee, just that she was not his girlfriend. When he realized he'd said that out loud, he looked at Mac with wide eyes, only to find her expression mirroring his. Darting his eyes back to the road quickly, he repeated it, though quieter this time. "She's not my girlfriend anymore because we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. And I meant it when I said I'm sick of fighting you."

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The Way We Are (Pt 5) 

(A/N: Sorry this chapter took longer than my usual week, my school is trying to kill me and I haven't been feeling all that great. This chappie is definitely longer and tends more towards the shippers!)

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MAC'S POV 

0907 LOCAL

MAC'S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN

Yawning, I open my eyes just a crack and see that my room is filled with mid-morning sun. I take a moment to stretch and realize that I feel a lot better now than I did last night. I guess I really needed my sleep so I'm glad I don't have to go in to JAG today. Harm said the admiral gave me the day off so I can relax. Harm! He was supposed to be making pizza for us and I fell asleep when I told myself to lay down for just a few minutes. I look around the room, curiosity having gotten the better of me, and find Harm's note on my table. I'm sure I must have a really stupid smile on right now as I read the first two sentences then stop. When I pull the drawer open, I find a bag of Hershey's Kisses. My eyebrow shoots up at his choice of candies, but you won't find me complaining. Hmm.. I wonder what was behind _that_ purchase, after all, Harm doesn't buy chocolate much and so I end up wondering about those kisses. Popping one in my mouth, I let my mind wander some more. Don't ask me if I'm wondering about the chocolate ones or not, I wouldn't register the question anyway. I do know that he's a really great kisser and... **Stop!** I swear I must be going crazy and we're only just getting our friendship back. Still, a girl can wonder, can't she? Rolling my eyes at the direction my thoughts are heading, I return to reading Harm's note. I think I'm one of the only people who can read this stuff he calls handwriting. Still smirking from that thought, I keep reading, apparently he's not going to bug me with his rabbit-food today. I yawn again and get up, I've been in bed for a good 12 hours and I swear if I stay in this bed any longer I'll go stir-crazy.

The kitchen is still the same so the flyboy obviously didn't burn it down. Hey, as long as he doesn't make his _in-_Famous Meatless Meatloaf we're okay. Just as I'm about to get some pizza ready for myself, I remember he said to call him. He also said we should talk. Is this still the same flyboy? He actually _wants_ to talk more? I'm not sure where this is going, but hey, I guess I should take what I can get. I'm not sure what's different about this time, after all, there've been other times when I've been ready and he hasn't. I get the feeling I'm always going to regret that night in Sydney. Maybe he didn't mean to push me away, maybe I was pushing too hard, maybe we were trying for the same thing but pushing in different directions. Either way, I'm glad something happened before I did something I'd regret, ie. marry Mic. I guess I can see now that it would've been a mistake, back then, I'm not sure, I wasn't as sure about marrying Mic as I guess I should've, but he was a sweet person and... if I'm perfectly honest I wasn't as in love with him as I should've been. Why do I bother? I don't need to rehash mistakes.

By 0932, I realize I'm still standing in the kitchen and that my musings have kept me from making a decision either way on whether to call or not. I guess since he hasn't backed away, I should meet him halfway. The pizza sits on the counter, temporarily forgotten while I pick up the phone and press speed-dial #1 for Harm. I guess that bugged Mic too, that my best-friend's number was over my fiancee's. It's not like I did it to spite him, I just never got around to changing it. Yeah right, you're not even fooling you. The line rings and rings and finally, he picks up.

"Rabb." Is the greeting I get from a very sleepy sounding flyboy.

"Hey, is that any way to greet your friends?" I put as much mock hurt into that statement as I can, even while grinning on my end.

"Mac? Sorry I wasn't up yet, you I-"

"Harm, you should hear yourself, you're babbling and just in case you hadn't noticed, I was kidding!" I say, laughing just because I feel like it.

"Oh. I'm gonna get you for that, it wasn't funny!" He even sounds indignant.

"Yes It was!" I'm still laughing and they way he reacts is only making it funnier.

"Was that a giggle? You know I'm sure I heard a giggle." I can hear him smiling now.

"No it wasn't, Marines don't giggle. We laugh, never giggle." Even as I'm saying that, I know it's a losing battle.

"No way Mac, I heard you. You giggled. Anyway, how long have you been up." His voice has lost some of that sleepy sound so I know he's up.

SAME TIME

HARM'S POV

Well somebody must be feeling a lot better, she's already trying to get me in trouble. Her cheerful voice states that she's been up for a little while now and no she didn't giggle.

"Someone's a morning person." I'm grumbling, but I honestly don't mind.

"Oh cheer up squid, you get to have pizza with me." She replies.

So she did get the note, I wonder what she thought of that, I'll bet she was surprised though. "Yeah, sure. Can I take your good mood as a sign that my bribe worked?"

"What, you think you can bribe me with chocolate?" I know she's smiling as she's talking and I have to grin too.

"Yep, and what's more I know it works." I'm one of the few people on this planet who knows how to bribe her, not that it was really a bribe. "You know I'm not sure you can call it bribing, after all, I'm not the one who fell asleep."

"You know me well. If you don't hurry up I'm going to have the pizza without you." I smirk, knowing she very well might do that anyways. And even though I'm already up and picking something out to wear, there's a certain amount of grumbling that is required of me.

"Mac, what am I supposed to do about that, for all I know you could've already eaten the whole thing." Okay, so I like giving her a hard time about her appetite, but she can out-eat just about anybody I know, and still look like _that._

"I guess you'll just have to hurry up and find out then." Honestly how can she be so active? She's been out in the Indian Ocean for months. Hmm, I guess we haven't really worked all of that out yet. I guess we've just called a truce, but to our credit we have talked some, just not like we should've. I think we've both been just enjoying the peace. I have to wonder if she's doing okay though, it seemed she was a little _off._

"Okay, Mac, I'll be there in 30, ok?" I'll take what I can get, I'm glad she's back.

"Sure you will, flyboy." Mac left that teasing remark and then hung up, leaving me shaking my head and hurrying off to get ready. She's probably still fretting about Lillyana,

THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT (A/N: That means I'm the all-knowing narrator person again!)

43 MINUTES LATER

The door to Mac's apartment swung open almost immediately after Harm knocked, revealing one Sarah MacKenzie with a smile that hid her laughter. Stepping aside to let him in, she chuckled a little.

"Hey. You're 13 minutes and 34 seconds late you know." Her voice was soft, though holding her smile.

"Hey yourself. What's up?" He asked, rolling his eyes.

"Not much, just waiting so we can eat."

Harm walked past her into the kitchen, pulling the pizza from the oven. Mac was standing in the doorway of the kitchen until a moment later when Harm looked up, then she had no problem averting her gaze hastily. "Get a move on Mac. I thought you already would've eaten."

"Well I thought I'd wait for you..." Mac drifted into silence, wondering if she should add the rest of what she was thinking, that she still wanted to talk. That and the fact that she had plenty on her mind. He'd said they'd figured something out about Lillyana but for the life of her she couldn't figure out how.

They ate quietly sitting on the couch, sneaking glances at each other occasionally.

Mac finally made up her mind, turning to study him closely. "Do you still want to talk?"

"Of course I do, but that hasn't always worked well for us." Harm continued quickly when he saw the slightly discouraged look she was taking on, "Hold on, I meant it when I said I wanted to talk, I'm just trying not to push too hard. I don't want to screw whatever "this" is up."

Mac's expression softened a little, a tiny smirk showing. "I guess we _do_ have a habit of having trouble talking."

"Well I don't think it's the talking so much as it's the yelling Mac." Harm dead panned.

"Thanks for the news flash flyboy." Was Mac's grinning reply.

"Alright, where do we start with this?" Harm was at a loss for where to go, there were so many times they needed to talk about.

"How about.. how about when you went back to flying?"

HARM'S POV

She deserves more of an answer than I've given her, so where do I start? Let's try why I needed to do it. "I needed to know, It would've been really hard for me to work at JAG still wondering if there was a way I could do it. But I didn't want it to be permanent, it just had to be out of my system. I didn't want you to think I was leaving you behind, but I guess it seemed like that anyway."

After thinking a moment, Mac answers. "I know you needed to, I knew it then, but it felt like I'd lost my best friend. And then when you didn't call or write or anything, I thought you'd made up your mind. I had to move on."

My face falls a little, I know I should've stayed in touch. If I'm honest with myself, I was trying to block everything out of my mind. It was hard enough trying to keep my mind from wandering. "I don't know why I didn't stay in touch, I was probably afraid. I missed you so much though, there were a hundred times I wanted to call but wouldn't let myself."

"I wish you would've." She sighs, and for a brief moment I see a certain amount of pain in her eyes. I hate that I caused that. Some best friend I was then.

"I wish I would've too, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so messed up." I reply, the honesty clear in my voice. I wish I would've done a lot of things differently. "I'm sorry doesn't seem to be enough for that one."

"It's in the past now, what about when you came back?" I sense a sort of understanding in her voice so I guess we can move on.

"Mac, when I came back I hope things might be like they used to be, but everything changed, I felt like an outsider for the longest time. And then you were all.. chummy with Brumby and it only went downhill from there." We both knew things would be different, but it was only when I got back that I realized how much I'd missed out on.

"Well we had to keep moving Harm, we missed you but we had to. I guess when you got back, I was mad, and Mic could be rather charming. I was settling, I know. What was it that song said, 'the idea of being in love?' " She shrugs a little, able to talk freely about it with the passing of time.

"I don't suppose Sydney helped any, did it?" That painful night is one I'll never forget, she was ready and I blew it. I wanted to pull her into my arms and never let go but I was too scared to let go of the lifeline I'd been holding onto for so long. Something she told me rings in my mind now. "You were right about that lifeline becoming a noose, that night nearly killed me." I offer quietly.

"I let my heart out and you rejected me. Do you have any idea what it's like to get it pushed back at you?" The thinly veiled frustration is all over her face, she's a little angry and I know that's where I need to start talking. Fast. The last thing I want is another argument.

"All I wanted was a little more time to put everything to rest. I wasn't rejecting you, I was saying I wasn't ready yet... But I can see where you got that, anytime we talk things get complicated." I honestly think that if I would've stated things differently, we'd be in a different position from our current one. "You put Brumby's ring on right after that, so I thought that was your decision, that you didn't want to wait. Renee and I got more serious and you were with Bugme so I backed off. I wanted you to be happy, you seemed to be happy so I backed off."

Mac's shaking her head, a sarcastic smile on her face. "If this weren't so pitiful I'd say it was funny. When _did_ we get so bad at communication? We're lawyers Harm, we talk for a living."

"I don't know, but my guess is that somewhere along the way we stopped asking the right questions and waiting to hear the answers. I remember at the airport when we were leaving the Admiral told me never to look back, but I had to." Only problem was when I did I saw her kissing Brumby.

"That's because you have a habit of disobeying orders Harm." She quips with a soft smirk, immediately lightening the tension before this gets too depressing. Nice save, Marine. I guess the fact that she knows me almost better than I do is just another reason that I love her. But right now, unless I focus, I'll end up telling her, which wouldn't be a bad thing. Focus on her eyes.. or not depending on whether or not I want to get pulled in, stare like some love-struck teenager, and just go on what my mind has been telling me to do for years and just kiss her.

This is going to take a while.

MAC'S POV

As much as I'd rather just throw these past few years out the window and forget they exist, we have to finish this. I look at Harm, making eye contact briefly, then looking at a point beyond his shoulder, trying not to pay attention to that grin, or even the soft lines on his face when he's thinking something, or... Stop! I push the fact that I love him to the back of my head so I can try and think. That helps... not- I'm still thinking about him, but what else is new?

My mind moves to my engagement party, that was one interesting night. "You know my engagement party made me wonder about a lot of things?" He doesn't seem quite sure how to take that, so I continue, "It was amazing, it was scary and everything in between." I say, referring to our little talk that night.

Harm seems to have found his voice now, "I spent many a night wondering what would've happened if we'd done things differently. We needed to talk, but the situation forced us to, instead of us deciding to. You said it wouldn't happen but I felt like I was losing you and that was scaring me. I never wanted that to happen to us."

"I know, to be honest I was probably losing myself. There was so much happening at one time..." I let my voice trail off, realizing this is heading dangerously close to the uncharted waters of a discussion about _'us.' _"I was pushing and being pushed in a hundred different directions. Then you punched out trying to get back, and I started wondering what I was doing." I rest my head in my hands, trying to figure out when things got so messy. We've been going through a rough time lately- to say the least, and yet I'm still acutely aware of where he's sitting, on the end of the couch, waiting for me to continue. If there weren't so many issues right now I can think of a few things I might rather be doing with Harm..- okay I better not let myself get any more sidetracked or I'll do exactly what I was just daydreaming about.

"I started wondering if I wanted to get married for the right reasons, or even if I did." He's surprised, I can tell, maybe enough that we can finally get this out in the open.

"Mac, I didn't think there was anything left to say, I needed you to be happy." So that's why he backed down? Honestly that darned sense of honor of his is confusing. It's one of the things I love, but also one of the things I hate. Couple that with my feeling insecure about the whole thing, and our joint inability to communicate, it's no wonder we're screwed.

I need to respond to this, and just say my heart. "I didn't want you to back down, but we both ended up doing just that. Maybe I should be thankful Mic decided to leave." Somehow after Harm's crash I got a clear jolt of reality, even though it was hard to realize. Had I married Mic I would've made a huge mistake, so ending it was better for both of us.

Harm decides to take charge of the conversation, which is good, I'm not sure where to take this anymore. He thankfully leaves this topic alone for a bit. "I still don't see how he could leave you. I mean, I was glad that-" Harm suddenly stops, his face a little red. Hmm, he's cute when he's flustered, and I'll bet he wasn't exactly planning on saying he was glad my ex dropped out, even though it's no secret he hated the guy. I find myself grinning unrepentantly. "Not very fond of Australians, are you Harm?"

"However did you guess? But it's not Australians- it's just him," he mutters, I swear I heard him. He just didn't like Mic. Which I knew already. He clears his throat, snapping me back to reality. "I told you last night, I wanted to be there for you."

He's still coming back to that isn't he? "I know, but we already covered that, it's a dead issue. I needed to get out of here for a while." Okay, so I was running, I felt like we weren't getting anywhere. I needed to clear my head.

He slowly nods, "Did you mean it? That there was no us?"

Sighing, I rub my face with my hands, giving myself something to do. Anything but just sit here. "I don't know, I thought there was just you and Renee, that wasn't quite true, but I didn't know. It wasn't really and 'us.' " I shrug and look over at him. When our eyes meet, one of our intense, but silent conversations begins, and I'm left with this funny and slightly dizzying sensation. Being around him usually does that to me, even when we're not getting along. Without saying anything, both of us agree to go back to the beginning and try again. We'll be okay. Our eyes are still locked, and again, I find myself looking straight through at his emotions. The strength, stubbornness, loyalty and all the other things that make me love him are there. But so is something else, something I've seen a few times but never figured out. What is that, and why do I find it so familiar?

Subconsciously we're both leaning closer until he pauses just in front of me, waiting to know if this is what I want. I make up the difference and our lips meet in a sweet kiss that nearly makes my heart stop. It's a good thing I know it's not possible or I swear he'd hear my heart pounding. Pulling back after a few seconds- in my opinion not nearly long enough- I have to smile. We kissed. He wasn't seeing a dead girlfriend, neither of us were going away, and it wasn't mistletoe.

Harm's grinning without remorse and I think we must look like teenagers if these stupid grins are any indicator, but so what? "So what was that for Harm? And don't you dare apologize," I add, though I don't see why he would.

"Oh I wasn't going to, and I've been wanting to do that for a while." He's still got that same grin on, even when a questioning look passes my face. Hmm, it's a good thing we decided to sit down after all, these knees aren't so strong when it comes to a certain flyboy.

1217 LOCAL

HARM'S POV

I think we're actually going to be okay. God knows it's taken long enough, but I think we'll work it out. My relief is short-lived though. I glance at the clock, realizing that if I don't hurry, I'll be late for work. Last thing I need is the Admiral chewing my six out for being late.. again.

"Hey Mac, much as I hate to go, I gotta head in to JAG." At least I came over in uniform so I don't have to worry about running home to change too. I remember that we still don't have a plan to find Lillyana. Her thoughts must've headed in that direction too, but before she can voice them, I pass her a notebook from the coffee table. "Write down what you know about Lillyana, and the names of any contacts in the area who might be able to find her, I'll make some calls when I get in." I down the rest of my coffee, ignoring that it's Marine grade and thus will have me wired all day as she scribbles a few hasty notes.

She passes them to me quickly, "You better get going, you've got 42 minutes and 47 seconds to get in. I'll see what I can find on this end."

That Marine and her internal clock. "You know that can get really annoying." I'm grinning even though my words are pointed, albeit teasingly and she responds in kind.

"You're just jealous because you're always late." Her eyes are sparkling and she looks happier than before. Mission accomplished.

"I'm not always late, you're just early."

"Whatever Harm... Thanks." Weshare one more hug, and then I head off to work in a much better mood than that of the past few weeks. I wonder what the Admiral's going to say about this one.

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**daisymh-** I'm glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for continuing to read my stories

**starryeyes10-** Thanks, hope you liked this chapter

**Knight of Caeli-** Yeah, they're definitely different from the way they're portrayed, I needed some shipperiness (lol is that a word?) Anyhow, the next story I write they'll liekly be more in character.

**TV Angel 711-** Sorry this took a little longer, there was a lot to talk about, and I've been having writers block lately. definitely H/M forever :)


	6. What Did You Say?

**The Way We Are (Part 6)

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**

Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me, but rather to DPB, CBS and Paramount, I'm just borrowing the characters since I couldn't shake any sense into their owners.

Spoilers: Season 7, Guilt

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so you should know a few things, (1) I need some help! Reviews, critiques, and betas would be appreciated. (2) I might tweak a few things from Season 7 to fit the story, so. don't freak out, ok? (3) If you see something wrong, don't hesitate to let me know about it. (4) And if I don't get everything right, don't kill me, just let me know, I don't know a huge amount about the military...

P.S. Yes I know they're a bit out of character since it's very unlikely either of them would say anything, that's the whole reason this actually works, because for once their chronic 'shutting-up' problem is gone! For that matter several people are a little different.

P.S.S. For this story, assume that Renee and Harm broke up in Minnesota when she re-connected with Cyrus. (anything to get rid of the big bad video princess)

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_**Additional Notes: I'm terribly sorry to have left this story for more than two months. I've been dealing with school and some personal issues which have taken all my free time. If I can, I'll try for at least one update a week, but it will depend on my school schedule and other factors in my life I didn't have a chance to run this by my beta, so all mistakes are mine.**_

_**Yes I know this is rather short, but I thought most people would appreciate something rather than nothing.

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**The Way We Are (Part 6)**

**What Did You Say?

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****UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT 1799 - TO INDONESIA**

**SOMEWHERE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN**

Awareness seeps into my mind slowly, the fog of sleep lifting gently as I try and wake myself up. Where am I and why is it so comfortable? I recognize a constant droning noise, so I guess I'm still on the airplane. That doesn't explain why I was sleeping so soundly though, normally I can hardly close my eyes when I'm in these huge airplanes. Vaguely, I register that something safe and warm is serving as my pillow and I move my hand around lazily, trying to figure out what this is. Eventually I feel something's shoulders and then it's face. Actually, _Harm's_ face. I've spent enough time watching him to know by now.

"Are you always this dangerous when you wake up?"

Yep, I'd recognize that voice anywhere, definitely Harm, I conclude as I shift towards where the voice came from, above me and peek open one sleepy eye. He offers a faint smile, just a hint of that flyboy grin I love as I recognize that I'm leaned against his chest with his arms around me. And you know what? I've never felt better.

"What, did I hurt the big bad Sailor?" Yes, I'm grinning unrepentantly, but then again so is he, and I can't remember a time when that smile of his hasn't made me smile back.

"You wish... Sleep well?" O-kay.. he's still holding me as if it's completely normal for two best friends (and hopefully something more) to wake up like this all the time. Not that you hear me complaining. If he's not saying anything about it, I'm sure as heck not going to. I haven't slept that well in a long time and I'll gladly admit that it was because he was holding me.

"Yep, see I had this nice pillow that even kept me warm." My eyes are finally adjusting to being awake, and the images that had been slightly blurry are clear. Both of our seats are reclined and the armrest is up, he's leaning against the side of the plane with a pillow against the wall.

"Did you get any sleep Harm? That can't be comfortable."

"I got enough." He states with a noncomittal shrug. Sure, like I'm gonna believe_ that._ Even if he was awake the whole time, he probably wouldn't say much. But his eyes are still sleep-clouded, so I'll guess that he was asleep for at least a little while. Shifting my position a little so I'm looking directly up at him, a thought that passes through my mind ends up getting spoken.

"How on earth did I end up here?"

"Well you were born in '67 and eventually became a Marine, came to JAG, went to Indonesia and now we're going back." He states, smirking.

"Very funny, I meant how did I end up sleeping on you?"

I suppose that came out a little bit cross, because he makes a move to let me out of his arms and starts to apologize before I stop him and put his arms back where they belong, wrapped around me. I can see the question in his eyes before he even says anything, even his posture is different.

"Harm, I didn't say it was a bad thing, I like it actually. I was just wondering." I offer a slightly timid smile as he relaxes again, and I just enjoy the feeling of being safely cocooned in his arms. Arms that I've spent long enough watching and hoping for. If I didn't know otherwise, I'd say everything is perfect right now. What can I say? I have very simple needs. And, there it is, that fullblown flyboy smile I was waiting for.

"That's good, because I like having them there."

I can't belive he actually told me that. I mean, it seemed like he was rather comfortable there, but I'm honestly wondering where Mister 'Emotionally Inaccessible' went.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my partner?"

"I'm still me Mac." His voice gets a little quieter, a little more serious, and I can tell that whatever he's about to say is going to be important. "I'm still me, just letting go."

"Wha..?" Yeah, it's definitely a good thing that he's propping me up, or else I'm sure I would've dropped by now. As it is, I'm sure I must look appropriately shocked. With a softer smile, he hooks a finger under my jaw and closes it.

"You're catching flies Marine." He's teasing me now? Then he gets serious again. "Just thought you might like to know."

My mouth is opening and closing as I try to figure out how to make my vocal chords work again. That's so not fair. Finally my voice is working well enough to reply.

"Yeah, it's good to know." That's about all I'll trust my voice with right now, and besides that, I'm way too comfortable right now. Before I know it, I feel my eyelids drooping. Hey wait! I can't go to sleep right now. A quick glance up at Harm shows that he saw that too.

But all he does is hug me a little tighter and say "I'm not going anywhere."

I smile at that myself, it's not like either of us can go anywhere right now. Being 40,000 feet above the ocean tends to limit your options, not that I'm planning on going anywhere. I have to give him credit, he's been there for me since that night a few days ago when he picked me up at the airport. We even managed to work together on getting everything set up to find Lillyana. Eventually we got in touch with Captain Jarot and he mentioned a little girl with a 'medal' and a drawing at one of the local hospitals. He said she had a minor concussion and a few scrapes and burns, but was doing well otherwise. I know it's her. Even the Admiral agreed. He barely even blinked when he got two requests for leave from senior officers. In fact he was almost suspiciously supportive. I'll have to ask Harm if he knows anything about that.

I see is his eyelids drooping shut before mine do. God I love this man. And hopefully soon I can tell him. For now though, I'll take whatever 'letting go' means from him, and give it back heart and soul. He's said he's going to be there for me. And I believe him. One of these days, it's going to be our turn, and until then, I guess I'll just have to enjoy the ride.

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**Should I write about what happens when they get to Aceh? Or simply skip back to the States?

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**Responses:**

**Toplesslemon-** Thanks for your help and support, and I'm really sorry I didn't have a chance to email this to you. 

**Harmfan-** Thanks for that, I wasn't sure about that, I haven't seen that many episodes of JAG.

**daisymh-** Sorry it took so long, hope you like this chapter!

**TV Angel 711-** Yeah, that about covers it.

**judy52sa-** Glad you liked it, and I'm sorry it took so long!


	7. Lean On Me

**The Way We Are (Part 7)

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Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'm just a poor student!

Spoilers: Season 7, Guilt, Mixed Messages, etc

See notes from previous chapters.

Extra: Understandably, instead of alternating, this is also from Mac's POV.

The last chapter had more reviews than all the others and you have no idea how much that meant. These chapters will be shorter, but they should allow me to update for frequently, so it's a tradeoff I suppose.

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Chapter 7

**Lean On Me**

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1957 LOCAL

ACEH AIRPORT

I feel like the living dead. I swear, I don't think I've been this tired in years. Yes I'm a Marine, but after this many hours on a plane, anyone would be exhausted. I'm lucky I still know what time it is, much less the fact that Harm picked me up from my apartment 23 hours and 53 minutes ago, give or take a few seconds- that international date line thing really throws me sometimes. Between layovers in the States and then once we got to Indonesia, I can safely say I'll be happy not to see an airplane anytime soon. Then again, something really good happened on the airplane, so maybe they're not so bad.

Dragging ourselves and our luggage through the airport, I glance over at Harm, who's been walking beside me this whole time. Close enough that I could reach out and touch him, but not in my space. Of course that's not counting the fact that 2 minutes ago he put his around my waist when I stumbled a bit, and he hasn't moved it since. I guess this has been good for us, because whatever is changing in our relationship, neither of us is running away for once.

I still feel bad about running off to the Guadalcanal like that, but Harm hasn't really mentioned it much since we talked. I guess he just let it go. Here I've been wondering if he'll _ever_ let go, and then he goes and picks an international flight and just says it like he's giving the weather report. That man never ceases to amaze me.

I'm acutely aware of the fact that he's been inching me closer as we walk, and of course I pretend not to notice until I bump right into him. My only response to the question in his eyes is a small nod as I smile at him. Somehow, we've managed to close another section of the gap that's been eating away at us for so long. Someday...

Despite the peace that seems to have taken over, there's a bit of pain behind it all. Captain Jarot was extremely vague in his description of Lillyana's condition, so I'm still not sure what I'll find.. Correction, what _we'll_ find. It's going to take a while to wrap my brain around that concept for sure.

Yeah, I know I had to help the others get to safety, but I still feel responsible for what happened to Lillyana, she was trying to bring me that drawing, she was almost to the helo and I didn't go help her. Funny how everything seems so much darker in retrospect, despite the fact that some people seem to think I'm a hero. Whatever.

Harm notices the moment my thoughts head off down this dark road, and after a few seconds more of walking, he stops us both and let our luggage down. When I hesitate to face him, he waits, unyielding until I do. This really is a bit overwhelming for me, and he must've figured that out.

"Mac. It's gonna be okay."

Shrugging, I look around him. I can't quite bring myself to be that optimistic. At this point, I hope Lillyana doesn't hate me.

He leans down, forcing my eyes to meet his, pouring out strength and calm. He takes me in for a quick hug, then makes sure I'm looking at him before he speaks again.

"It'll be okay, I promise. Just trust me. And trust us." He adds, holding up our hands where he just intertwined them.

Trust us. Okay, it's official, the planet Earth has been invaded by body-switching aliens. To think that all these years Bud was right about aliens after all. Okay, so not really, but when Harm lets go, he really lets go.

Harm's still waiting for a response, so I flash a bright grin and give him a quick bear hug.

"Thanks Harm, I think I needed that." I mumble from where my head is tucked under his. I can feel him smiling into my hair and he holds me for another few seconds before we continue walking.

As we walk outside the airport and go to catch a cab to our hotel, Harm squeezes my hand quickly, something to reassure me that he's here. Slowly, I'm learning that it's okay to lean on someone when I need to. I guess Harm's been a big part of helping me learn that. He has a way of breaking down all the barriers I spent years putting up.

**The Next Day**

HOTEL

0952 LOCAL

As I'm trying to wake up, I find myself oddly cold. Finally cracking my eye open, I realize this isn't nearly as comfortable as waking up with Harm holding me, whether we were on an airplane or not. Rolling on my back, I stare at the ceiling for a moment before I try and readjust my position. I hadn't noticed how uncomfortable these beds were, I guess that can't be held against me anyway. Besides, I'm sure we both needed the rest.

Speaking of which, I don't hear any noise coming from Harm, in the adjoined room next to mine. We left the doors open, as we said, in case there were any problems. Obviously you can never be too careful in a foreign country, especially as unsettled as things have been lately... Who am I kidding? I just wanted to know that he was nearby.

Finally I stretch myself out of bed, taking a yawn for good measure before I walk over to his door. Inside I see him sprawled across the bed at an angle that must be uncomfortable, he is way too tall for that bed. I'm sure he must still be tired, but somehow, my inner child has decided she must come out right now. With a mischievous smile, I get some water from the sink and I'm just about to drip some of it on his face when a quick hand pulls me down next to him on the bed, causing a muffled shriek from me and a flyboy grin from Harm as his eyes pop open and he starts laughing.

"Come on Marine, you thought that would work on me?" He apparently finds this rather hilarious, to which I punch his arm.

"Well it's not my fault you looked asleep. What did you do that for anyway?"

"Probably the same reason as you, I wanted to."

I roll my eyes and try to get up out of the bed, but this time Harm won't let me. He hugs me to him for a moment before his ocean colored eyes meet mine.

"I believe you forgot to give me a proper good morning kiss, MacKenzie." A playful grin is on his face and he still won't let me move.

I play along as if kissing him was the last thing I wanted to do for a few minutes before I lean in and kiss him. It's a little longer than when we kissed a few days ago, but every bit as amazing. It's easy to forget where we are and the problems outside. By unspoken agreement, we both know we're not ready for anything more though, and we start to break apart before the lines get any more blurred than they already are.

Opening my eyes, I find Harm wearing the same idiotic smile that I am. At least if we're gonna look goofy, we can do it together I suppose.

"Good morning."

"Much better now" He agrees with an impish grin as he releases me.

I finally get a chance to stand up and head back to my room. When stop by the door, I find Harm still laying in bed.

"C'mon, up and at 'em already, I'm hungry here."

I think I hear him grumble "When aren't you?" as he gets out of bed, but he wisely refrains from saying that too loudly. What can I say? I guess he's pretty well trained if you catch him early.

**Two Hours Later**

CAPTAIN JAROT'S OFFICE

1152 LOCAL

Coming down the hallway, we stop at the Captain's door and knock quietly before entering. The captain sits behind his desk.

"Colonel, I see you've returned."

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**Okay everyone, that's the end of this chapter, it's not a cliff-hanger per say, but the next chapter will be interesting.**

**Thank you so much to all my readers, it's really a surprise that people haven't forgotten this story and are still reading it. I'll update as often as I possibly can. **

**Thanks y'all!**

**Lia**

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**Gramrabb-** well I'm following those ideas, so here we are in Aceh!

**BrittanyLS-** Glad you like it, and they're definitely going for the 'something' more part.

**Jaggergirl182-** Hey it's cool, I like all Australians except for Brumby :smile: Glad you like the story

**joanoa-** I agree, the smaller chapters let me update more frequently.

**Starryeyes 10-** thanks, keep reading.

**kittyx-** thanks, I wil!

**Daisymh-** I'm really surprised at how many people still like this story.

**Janlaw-** hmm... I guess you'll have to wait and see... I like the idea though )

**Tv Angel 711-** Well this chapter and the next one are in Aceh for sure.

**Radiorox-** Okay, two things: 1) Thanks for reading and 2) Yikes! Well you know the drill, at least. Please don't give me extra credit homework! ;)

I never really appreciated how much work you have to put into a story until I started writing, so thanks for all your hard work.

**michelle UK-** thanks for the positive feedback )


	8. The Inquisition

**The Way We Are (**Part** 8)**

Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'm just a poor student witha beat up old car and a collection of dusty essays.

Spoilers: Season 7, Guilt, Mixed Messages, etc

All mistakes are mine.

**Author's Note: I'm terribly sorry to have left this story for so long, we had some serious health issues during the past few months, and between the family, we dealt withseveral hospitalizations, plus heavy work and school loads. I know I promised not to let this story lie around for months at a time, but real life made that hard for a while.**

**Feedback is really appreciated, the thought has come up several times that maybe I should delete this story, just because of how many difficulties I've had in getting it out, just out of fairness to you guys, so let me know. Otherwise, I'll try to get this baby wrapped up soon.**

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**The Way We Are  
Chapter 8**

**The Inquisition**

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1153 LOCAL  
CAPTAIN JAROT'S OFFICE  
HARM POV

As soon as Captain Jarot addresses her, Mac tenses up. To a casual observer, it's not even visible, but since when have I been a casual observer? Oh wait.. I'm just now telling her I want us to be more. Guess it would help if we actually were an 'us.' Mac must have some idea that that's where I want to go with thing 'thing', but we tend to do better when we actually communicate these great ideas of ours. We'll have to talk about that.

Either way, I'm on guard. If Mac's doesn't like this guy, I'm sure she has a good reason for it. I'd like to do more to reassure her, but I have to settle for a soft nudge. We walk closely, though well within the bounds of military etiquette as we enter the office, I'm not about to let anything happen to my Marine. Honestly, I've losttrack of when I let myself start thinking of her as 'my Marine,' butshe seemed to like knowing that I'm letting go. Yes, I could've picked a more romantic time and place to tell her, but the last time I tried stalling, it didn't work out well. That is undoubtedly the most diplomatic way of addressing a time in my life that I'd rather not revisit.

Captain Jarot insists that we sit, this guy is almost too polite for my liking, but I suppose we'll have to go with it for now. Still, if Mac's body language is any indication, neither of us are about to let our guard down. Once again, I'm glad I decided to come along.

"Colonel MacKenzie, I see you've brought along a... colleague?" He's eying me rather oddly, though my expression remains neutral. Maybe all those late-night poker games with Jack Keeter really were good for something.

"This is Commander Rabb, my partner at JAG, he did quite a bit of the legwork in finding Lillyana from our end."

There's no sign of the scared girl I held in the airport, or the playful woman who snuck in my bedroom this morning. This is all Mac the Marine. She's tough, fair, dedicated… and I love her completely.

"A pleasure to meet you Commander Rabb."

"Likewise Captain."

"Can I get you both something to drink? "

"No thanks, we just had breakfast." I fill in the blanks there, and then Mac goes straight to the point.

"Captain, you had said you had some information on the girl, Lillyana?" Her eyes are guarded, but showing cautious optimism. I've seen how much this has affected her, but here, she's all business.

"Yes, well there's a child who matches her description in one of the local hospitals, it seems she has a concussion."  
He pauses there, seeming proud to have that small bit of information.

"Is there anything to identify her?" Maybe I can get something out of Captain Clueless, at least I hope so. Quashing that thought, along with the smirk it threatens to bring out, the silence comes in as the captain seems to ponder over something.

Finally, he speaks. Good thing, too, I was beginning to wonder if he still could.  
"She's been holding an emblem, I believe you call it 'eagle, globe, and anchor.'"

Mac relaxes immediately.  
"It's Lillyana, I gave that to her."

The captain thinks a moment, before looking at us with a smirk, its meaning unknown.  
"You know, I love how.. impulsive you Americans are. Such a fascinatingperson you are, colonel."

AsI fix the Captain with a glare that he seems oblivious to, Mac shrugs, obviously disagreeing with him.  
"I don't really think so."

Times like these, I really think she doesn't know just how amazing she is.

"Oh, but I do. You just traveled halfway around the world for some girl you barely know, and gave an expensive ring for a man you'd never met, a criminal already in our legal system, I might add. By the way, I'm still interested in that story."

"You're not going to hear it."  
Good job, Marine. She shouldn't have to share her personal life with a prying stranger in a foreign country.

"Was the ring from someone you didn't love?"

"That's not your concern, Captain."

"A good investigator keeps asking questions until he gets answers."

"Well those questions are neither yours to ask, or to know the answers to."

I would caution this guy to watch his step to avoid pissing her off, but I'd secretly like to see this guy get told off. I've been on the receiving end of Sarah Mackenzie's tongue-lashings before, and for his sake, Captain Jarot should hope he doesn't get her mad. I make a conscious effort not to butt in, this battle should be hers, and she's handling it just fine.  
On the other hand, if I were to interfere, it's possible that I'd get another of said tongue-lashings. I wonder if she'd take that literally.Sounds kinky.

"There is someone else, yes? And for some reason you aren't with him, is he a fool?"

Both Mac and I smirk at that, perhaps giving the Captain the impression that it's an inside joke, and it probably is, or should be. When the Captain's attention flickers to something outside the window for a moment, Mac answers him, though looking straight at me with a mischievous, but hopeful look that asks me to go along with it.

"We just can't seem to work it out."  
She offers sadly. If it weren't for the fact that I saw that look she gave me, I'd honestly believe her. As it is right now, she's doing a world class snow-job. And I thought Keeter and Sturgis and I were good at the Academy.

Perhaps the Captain understands the concept of love being difficult.  
"Love is the same everywhere... Aceh... America. Always impossible."

"I don't think so." She replies, nudging my knee with hers in a playful gesture that has me fighting back a smile.

"So you are an optimist, that explains why you have faith this girl is your Lillyana."

"It's her."

Frowning, he studies both of us for a moment.  
"What makes this little girl so special? There are thousands just like her in this country."

"She is a brave little girl who depended on me and I let her down."

This guy just doesn't get it.  
"Adults fail children all the time, it's sad, but not tragic. It merely forces them to grow up."  
Perhaps he's baiting her into an argument, or maybe he actually feels that way. I can't decide which is worse.

"No Captain, it crushes something inside them forever, I'm not going to do that to her."

"If you insist."  
A resigned sigh is audible from him. I definitely don't like this guy, he just doesn't care.

At this point, I decide that it'd be safer for the Captain if I took over. Placing a hand on her knee where he can't see it, I lean forward, regarding the Captain as if he were an uncooperative witness.  
"Sir, we're really not here to try and change your opinion on what it does or doesn't do to children, we _would_ like to see Lillyana though."

"Ah yes, well here's the address for the hospital, it's not far from here, perhaps 15 minutes by car."  
He hands us a sheet of paper from his desk, with some scribbled informationon how to get toa St. Carolus Hospital.

"Can you take us to her?"  
I've concluded that trying to get information out of the Captain is only slightly easier than talking to a wall. He obviously has no problem asking questions.

"Well if you had come a few days ago, I would've said yes, but currently, my schedule is far too busy to deal with such trivial matters."

We're both relying on Military training and strong control not to give this guy the dressing down that we both know he deserves, mainly out of a desire not to create an international incident in a country where relations with America are shaky at best.

Mac shakes her head slightly, and I catch her expression- it matches mine- disgust. But she gracefully manages to get us dismissed without incident, and we hurry ourselves out of Jarot's office.

By the time we walk the three blocks back to the car though, both of us are fuming.

"That ignorant.."

"..pompous.."

"..arrogant.."

"..uncaring.."

"..prig!"

Suddenly we burst into laughter.Apparently we're finishing each others sentences again.

"Damn, that was a little _too_ funny."

"Hey, I know how your mind works Mac."

She just rolls her eyes, her smile never fading.  
"Uh huh, so what am I thinking right now then Flyboy?"

I make a big show of thinking about it, my hand resting across my face,trying for avery studious expression that I would've mastered if it weren't for this silly grin.  
"I'm thinking... that you would like me to kiss you and that I would be very stupid not to comply."  
A quick scan of the area shows that no one's nearby, and I lean in for a sweet kiss, pulling back with a grin. I'm never going to get tired of that.

"Harm! We're in public, in uniform, and in a foreign country no less, are you crazy?"  
She' trying to be stern and failing miserably because one, she's still smiling and two, she hasn't told me to get out and walk yet.

I'm only crazy about you Mac, but I'll save that sentiment for later.  
"So? Live dangerously, besides, do you see anyone around here?"

"Not unless we're counting your imaginary friends Harm."  
She's going for cute, and succeeding, I might add.

"You're gonna get it for that one, Marine."

"I'm looking forward to it."

Now what am I supposed to say to that? I just shake my head and start the car, resolved not to give in to the overwhelming urge I'm getting to kiss her senseless. Of course, I get that urge quite often, it's just that now, I'm allowed to give in, though I'm still not sure what her thoughts would be on being kissed senseless. Guess we'll have to negotiate that later.

As we speed off, heading towards the hospital, I hear her laugh, both of us realizing around the same time, that things are actually going to be okay. She's breathless and laughing and beautiful, her anger all but forgotten as we drive in an open air Jeep with the sun bathing us in light and warmth. Yeah, life is good.

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See the little button there? Click it and tell me what you thought! 


	9. Valor

The Way We Are (Part 9)

Spoilers: Season 7, Guilt, Mixed Messages, etc.

A/N Hey guys, I'm back, thanks for all the kind words and reviews. There were some difficult family issues lately, so thanks for your patience. Yes, it's another short chapter, I find that they're easier to write, even though I'd love to get out some more long ones.

Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor JAG. (But hey, a girl can always dream, right?)

This one's dedicated to AJeff and Syrae, two people I'm proud to call friends.

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**The Way We Are  
Chapter 9**

**Valor**

1249 LOCAL  
ST. CAROLUS HOSPITAL  
ACEH PROVINCE, INDONESIA

I walk into the hospital, and there she is, lying on one of the small cots lined up along the wall. Her head is bandaged and she's got some cuts and scrapes, but she's alive. Finally she looks up and smiles.

"Am I dreaming? ... You flew away"

The feeling that I've failed her comes back full force. I wasn't lying when I said it crushes something inside them forever. I should know, the adults in my life failed me early on. But I smile and hope she can forgive me. God knows it's taken long enough for me to come to some sort of resolution for _my_ past.

"Well I flew back. I even brought a friend."

Lillyana looks a bit surprised, and a bright grin crosses her face, one that I can't help but smile at. Harm's hovering by the door, silently backing me up but letting me deal with things myself when I need to. I wonder if he knows how much it means to me just to know that he's there, backing me up. He has been there for me so many times it seems like second nature. Lillyana follows my gaze and waves at Harm.

"That's Harm, is it okay if he comes in too?"

She looks back and forth between us for a second, before nodding with a satisfied smile. Harm sits on the empty bed behind my chair.

Lillyana fixes him with a serious expression, declaring that "Harm is a funny name."

That produces a full-blown grin.

"It's short for Harmon, that was my dad's name too."

"I still think it's a funny name."

Harm leans in, as if sharing a secret. I'm sure he's had his fair share of name quips. Even the SECNAV calls him "Harmful Rabb," according to scuttlebutt.

"Most people do."

That's when I start laughing and Harm shoots me a playful glare.

"It's not that funny Mac."

Lillyana's on my side though, giggling as well. When we quiet down, she's come up with another question.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

My sudden fit of coughs has Harm smirking as I work for an answer.

"Umm... We're negotiating that."

That's about when Harm cuts in. It sure took him long enough, and I for one would like to know what exactly we are. Obviously, we're "involved," but the argument could be made that we've been involved in some way for years.

"She's.. my girlfriend."

"I knew it."

Lillyana's wearing a smug grin because she was right, Harm's grinning but I don't care if he has a reason for grinning like that, I'd forget it as soon as he smiled anyway. Right after we met, I told him that it was a nice smile but that I was immune to it. When did I learn to lie so well? Oh. Yeah. Guess it was sometime between Dad beating Mom up when I was a little girl and getting so wasted I couldn't remember my name as a teenager. That's when Lillyana starts talking again, breaking into my musings.

"My head hurts."

"I'll bet it does."

Not only am I sure that her head hurts, but here we've been talking and making her laugh, which can't be good for the monster headache she must have.

"I wanted you to have your picture."

"I'm sorry I didn't go back for it or for you." I think a part of me will always feel guilty, because I could've waited a few more seconds. Hell, I could've put her on the helo and dropped her off in a safe zone later on.

"You could get it now," Lillyana says. "It's in the drawer."

I open the drawer she pointed at and find her drawing, slightly tattered but still there.

"The men who found it wanted to leave it. I wouldn't let them. It got messed up."

"I think it's perfect. What do you think Harm?" I pass it to him with a small smile. I know he's been sitting there just watching us with that intense expression that makes me shiver. I wish I knew what that look means. I asked him what he saw once, during a time of my life that I would rather forget sometimes, and he said he saw a desirable woman. I thought he was afraid to lose control, but here he is now, being with me, being there for me. Once again I'm drawn out of my thoughts by a voice. His voice.

After carefully studying the drawing, though with a smile on his face, he says it's definitely perfect.

"Oh, Lillyana, I have something for you too."

"Wonderful, I love gifts."

I start to rummage around in my bag before Harm sticks a small case in front of me.

"Looking for this?

I take it with a grateful smile and take a moment to look at the Meritorious Service Medal I received the other afternoon, and I realize that it feels right giving it to her. If it hadn't been for her, I might not be here, and I definitely would've ended up injured. I take a deep breath and place it in her hands.

"A medal? What's it for?"

"It's for people who do brave things like you did when you took us to your school," I say, looking for another way to say how important it was, and how much it means to me. "It honors you for your exceptionally meritorious conduct and your valor."

"I think it's wonderful." She smiles, and then looks at Harm. "Can you put it on me?"

As he pins the medal on the corner of her shirt, he gives her one of the biggest grins I've ever seen. "Thank you for helping Mac."

"She means a lot to you." I have to give her credit, this little girl has got some real courage, she's going into the uncharted realm of feelings and such. Most people who ask get shot down just as quickly, as most of the office knows by now.

Harm doesn't back away from her question though, he looks at me with a heart-stopping smile full of tenderness and passion.

"She's my world."

My jaw drops, I forget to breath for a few seconds, and I feel my eyes tearing up, and Harm- well Harm's busy making small talk with Lillyana as if he'd just told me something about a case instead of what is quite possibly the sweetest thing I ever heard. We've gotta have a talk about making these revelations in public, especially if he's going to keep throwing me off balance like that.

So I force myself to act normal as I look at Harm. _We will talk about this later._ He barely nods, but the accompanying smile tells me he knows.

"I have valor?" Lillyana asks.

"Yes you do." She has valor, and quite a bit of it. Most girls would run home and not look back. I've done my fair share of running, both as a child, and as an adult. But if I hadn't been running when I asked for the assignment on the Guadalcanal, then I probably wouldn't have met Lillyana, so maybe things do happen for a reason. I'm not the strongest backer of fate, but it did end up bringing me to Harm, so there must be something to be said for it.

"What is valor?"

"It means that you're strong and have spirit and bravery."

"I'm like you." I'm not quite sure what to say to that one.

"You have much more valor than I did when I was your age."

"WellI thinkyou have plenty of valor, Mac."

Trust Harm to say something like that. I've come to the conclusion that he must be my big, strong knight in shining armor, here to rescue me from myself and any bad guys, and I find myself grinning at the thought. The fact that I do need his help doesn'tbother me like it used to. It's the truth.

We talk to Lillyana a little longer, and promise to come by in the morning when she gets out of the hospital. Driving back to the hotel with Harm, I think about the turns my life has taken, and come to realize I'm finally on the path I need to be, even if I did take the long way to get there.

"Hey Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything. Just.. thank you."

"Always, Mac."

It's right around then that I realize I fell in love with him. Again. Sometimes the simplest things make me fall in love with him all over again. I don't understand why or how, but I think I'm going to enjoy trying to find out.

_We are each of us Angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing each other. - Luciano de Crescenzo_

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Okay, so see? There's a shippery chapter's end for you, please try not to go into sugar comas from it. Now this is where I need help from the audience, because I can't decide whether I want it to end there or if I want to keep writing.


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